I think I've cleared around a thousand books and I still cannot achieve the ten percent open space that this video suggests. But then again I've gotten rid of 4 book cases already.
Day 13 - 20/20 Home Cure - Fall 2010 from maxwell gillingham-ryan on Vimeo.
Often we are preoccupied with the question "How can we be witnesses in the Name of Jesus? What are we supposed to say or do to make people accept the love that God offers them?" These questions are expressions more of our fear than of our love. Jesus shows us the way of being witnesses. He was so full of God's love, so connected with God's will, so burning with zeal for God's Kingdom, that he couldn't do other than witness. Henri Nouwen Bread for the Journey
Paul Richardson's book and his life is invigorating, inspiring and scary. The challenge of faith at the edge demands creativity, dreaming, and risk taking. All very logical and all demanding a step or maybe a jump into space. But we can have confidence. "Assimilate it [God's Word] into your life so that you can plunge into your days with unbounded freedom." May God give us this confidence and enable us to burn without being consumed. After all faith is nothing until it is exercised and sretched.
Cleverness is a gift, kindness is a choice. Gifts are easy -- they're given after all. Choices can be hard. You can seduce yourself with your gifts if you're not careful, and if you do, it'll probably be to the detriment of your choices. Jeff Bezos founder of Amazon.com
Jeff Bezos speaking at this year's Princeton graduation told the story of a car journey with his grandparents and what happened when he said something smart but not sensitive about his grandmother's smoking. Pulled aside by his grandfather he was give a simple wisdom. "Jeff, one day you'll understand that it's harder to be kind than clever."
Bezos gave up a good job in a financial firm to found Amazon and he admitted ... "it really was a difficult choice, but ultimately, I decided I had to give it a shot. I didn't think I'd regret trying and failing. And I suspected I would always be haunted by a decision to not try at all."
I'm challenged by what Bezos says and by the strange connections he makes. He doesn't major on the kindness as a choice but the deeper key of choices. Being kind for him is not a gift but a choice, perhaps because being kind involves choices about the things you have and have been given. For a good part of my life I have been taking the path of least resistance or at least desiring that. Now I find perhaps rather than going with the flow I need to step out even more in faith, having the courage of my convictions. Bezos claims "We are the choices we make." I'm beginning to think he is right. My choice to leave the civil service quit a secure job, my choice to leave the UK, my choice leave friends and family behind has made me who I am here and now.
I'm living through a time in my life where I'm forced not to go with the flow but to make clear and deliberate decisions about my attitudes and values, about my health and lifestyle, about the very core of who I am, my identity. These choices will shape who I am in the future, for better or worse. I am not what I have, nor what I do but the choices I make. Perhaps to love perhaps the care or to be kind.
There is something about the written word which seems to have more dimensions or perhaps more angles than film. I suspect it is something about the narrative structure of film which restricts things. I've just finished reading Nick Hornby's About a Boy. I watched the film of the same name starring Hugh Grant months ago and Iris left the book behind. I started yesterday afternoon and finished it off this evening. Actually I read 90 percent this evening.
The storyline is basically the same but there are different scenes appearing and disappearing when comparing book and film. But somehow Nick Hornby in his writing, and the book facilitates this better, allows us to get inside the heads of his characters and find something authentically real. One moment of ironic tension found in the book where Marcus' mother in her confusion to have Will stop his involvement then says "You can't just shut life out, you know." Will's counter argument in his narration to us is " She was wrong, he was almost positive. You could shut life out. If you didn't answer the door to it, how was it going to get in?"
The trouble is life does creep in. In the back door, through a crack in the window, via the letter box in the door, life and it's power to confront gets inside. Unless of course you are truly hermetically sealed, divorced from others, merely living a second-hand existence.
My old iMac is holding up pretty well at the moment though I'm stuck at OSX Tiger. In my urge to simplify I have adopted Notational Velocity (NV) as a very simple note-taking and organizing program. It works well and keeps things far less cluttered but everything was locked to my desktop. Now I discover NV synchronizes with Simplenote, a web-storage and iPod touch/iPhone app.( something I hope for later). For now I have my netbook for traveling and taking notes etc on the move. The beauty is that there is a Windows program Resophnotes which also syncs with Simplenote. Guess what I seem to have seamless syncing between my different computer platforms with the option of of adding the iPod Touch later and yes it works.
Recently I had to think hard and refine my thoughts on truth. Pilate asked Jesus "What is truth?" This remains a very relevant question in an era where everyone seems or claims that whatever is true for me is OK and at the sametime will lay claim to universal human rights. In a time in history where much of philosophy argues against universals and universal truth, so many people are also arguing for their rights in a manner that assumes a universal understanding! Here it seems to me is the dilemma. The tension whether somehow we can validate something as true. Pilate made an assertion and Jesus asked whether it was his idea? Pilate tries to defend himself and we can see the following discussion between Jesus and Pilate as a discussion about truth or authenticity.
Andrew Potter has written a book called The Authenticity Hoax of which I've read a small part so far. In it he makes a valuable distinction: Authenticity as provenence, something with history, a track record; Authenticity as artistic expression; and Authenticity as something we want. I think the last is very interesting because it suggest a certain hunger, need. or desire for authenticity or truth. Of course I have equated these two words as similar or as being related. I'm still not sure but at this moment it seem that truth and perhaps authenticity are validated within human experience even though they might be universals. Provenance is important both logical and intuitive assessment are possible but somehow more important and more interesting is the human need for authentic things with our existence, I wonder if this is a life with meaning, something we can trust in or have faith in.
I've been clearing and sorting my CDs and there are 45 CD's in my current get rid of pile (and it's still growing). There's everything Jazz, rock, pop, dance, R&B, folk etc. I've also working on new playlists on iTunes for the 1960's, 70's, 80's and 90's. Tracks that I remember and remind me of things. The biggest at the moment is the 1980's currently 83 tracks and the 70's are 54. The other periods are still small as I sort out my memories and find out what is missing for me.
But as I review all this stuff that I acquired, picked up etc I came across a little gem a fusion CD Sacred Spirit II Culture Clash. Mixing cello blues and electronica, it's a fascinating blend. I've probably had the CD for 5-7 years and never listened to it. (If you want hear a sample I've posted a link to a youtube video on my other blog here.) John Lee Hooker, the blues musician is part of the mix but sadly the cellist is not named.
There are many memories that we have not listened to, like this Sacred Spirit CD. My current situation means that because my life is on pause and I am examining memories and my reactions and this means learning and perhaps even choosing now an alternative response to situations in the past. This all means I hope and pray a healthier future.
I will continue the CD sorting and compiling my playlists and I suspect also doing that with my life's memories.
I've posted a video on my other blog. It's beautiful piece from Julian LLoyd Webber. (here)
Walked out this morning, don't believe what I saw, Hundred billion bottles washed up on the shore, Seems I'm not alone in being alone, Hundred billion castaways, looking for a home. Sting
Karen Liebreich wrote a book called The Letter in the Bottle which was about her unsuccessful search for the mother who wrote a heart-rending letter found washed up in a bottle off the Kent coast. Karen tried every route possible to track down the author and got all the science and pseudoscience she could. I came across the story in The Daily Telegraph because after the book was published, the woman who had written the sad letter to her deceased son came forward. It had taken her 21 years to face down the grief of loss and throwing his clothes into the ocean, together with 2 lilies and the bottle with the letter.
Liebreich gives us details of this woman's story:
The bottle was my idea. I already knew that I needed to do something to let him go and I had thought of a letter in a bottle – why not. The whole thing was triggered by a dream, the dream that I mentioned in the letter. I had a beautiful dream about Maurice and I finally understood that it was time to let him go.The past haunts and handicaps us. Then it is time to let go and move forwards when we understand.
I'm not Catholic, though my family was. And of course I was very angry with Him. There is some kind of superior energy, a cosmic force, and I was furious with Him. Today I am once again happy to be alive...We all have unfinished business because we are works in progress. Somehow I feel this particular work in progress has begun a signficant time of letting go. A letting go of pain and therefore a chance to gain. I have a feeling of release these days and somehow after what seems a long time can can say I'm happy to be alive.
For avowedly Christian music it [the music of Pärt] is not, perhaps, very plainly founded upon the Incarnation of the Son of God. Dale Nelson
I've been thinking again about an episode a few years ago when some Arvo Pärt music was used because he was a Christian. Pärt's music has a sense of silence, of stillness and therefore of course can provide a setting but dangerously this can be merely utilitarian muzak like elevator or supermarket background music. I read an interesting article which contrasted Bach and Part. Bach wrote, “In a reverent performance of music God is always present with His grace” however his understanding is very much a verbal one. Yet perhaps the key observation from Dale Nelson is Bach wrote music for the church, while Pärt mostly writes for the concert hall. Very different contexts and very different reasons for writing.
Much of modern contemporary worship is performative rather unitive. Performed from the front and self-reflective there a danger of the personal worship album as a collection of personal songs is being used supposedly to unite people. What was the reason for writing the song and what was the setting intended?
I read that CS Lewis once heard a Zulu war song and thought it was “wistful and gentle” and consequently wondered whether music was really a universal language. However when we use music we should use it self-consciously making clear theological decisions. Why are we using this? Are we using it with some sense of integrity and understanding or merely as wallpaper?
Along these lines, simplicity isn’t a goal or an end result. Simplicity is a means to an end, with the ultimate destination being a remarkable life focused on what matters most to you. You don’t practice simplicity for simplicity’s sake, you practice simplicity to clear the distractions that get in the way of the life you desire. The Unclutterer blog
I have so much stuff and dealing with it is something I need to do. I'm also trying to simplfy my old iMac. Using simpler faster launching programs. Word or NeoOffice (the Mac Openoffice program) both take an age to launch and give me far more than I often want. I found the blog MinimalMac and am beginning to assess what I really need. There were some really simple and effective programs out there. In considering what is needed I generally want things faster and slimmer and even simpler so I'm going to try Notational Velocity a speedy little note-taker which launches in less than 2 seconds. Also Bean a lightweight wordprocessor which again launches very fast.
We've grown up with the crazy idea that big with lots of features is good, but maybe small is really beautiful and maybe I'll get more things done? Simplification means hopefully less time taken up by tech and more time for the important things namely things which give life meaning and purpose.
To see a world in a grain of sand. And a heaven in a wild flower. Hold infinity in the palm of your hand. And eternity in an hour William Blake Auguries of Innocence
Cycling downtown and down St George, past three groups of 20 or so police on bikes and the sounds of helicopters flying overhead. As I neared church I saw two people sat on the curb side their hands tied behind their backs, surrounded by police I had no sense of the presence of God. More so I felt this was a war zone a place of the absence of God - a place of violence. What had happened to the familiar and the peace of the city?
I had my dental surgery on Thursday and recovered quite quickly I was fully conscious and alert after 2 hours unlike last time which was more the following day. There has been a greater sense of peace and hope in me. Even as I deal with gum infections - note that I'm taking a cocktail of both Penicillin and Azithromycin but I've stopped needing my pain killers - I hope things are getting better. Certainly my body seems to be more at peace. Also I've also started taking Crestor, a Statin for cholesterol reduction, and baby Aspirin for heart disease prevention. Also to lower my sodium and my high blood pressure I'm changing my diet. Perhaps Shalom-peace when everything works as it should. At the moment my body needs a lot of help but hoping that I will stablize at a better health level.
On iTunes I discovered the PBS podcast series "Take One Step for A Healthy Heart" a very interesting series and as I completed Andrew Weil's Healthy Aging I am planning to make signficant changes in diet and eating habits. Even drinking more green tea on top of my normal tea drinking, brushing my teeth more often, flossing more and rinsing with antimicrobial mouth wash. In the moment my mind and spirit I feel are less anxious and I'm waking without my jaw being tense.
I can say that vision and reasons have changed within me. God seems to have spoken, called through the one I love and now I find myself seeking for health and lingering less on pain... rather looking for eternity in the hour, to the glimpse of glory and finding it. She once wrote "your heart is within me" and although she is far away I'm drinking out of that cup called hope. (literally the mug she left behind) and finding her heart within me in the peace that only God can give.
How can we choose love when we have experienced so little of it? We choose love by taking small steps of love every time there is an opportunity. A smile, a handshake, a word of encouragement, [etc] ... Each step is like a candle burning in the night. It does not take the darkness away, but it guides us through the darkness. When we look back .... we will discover that we have made a long and beautiful journey. Henri Nouwen Bread for the Journey
I still am experiencing jaw pain both on the right side and left side but perhaps the causes are different. I'm pretty sure the right is due to tmj and grinding my teeth. But the left seems to be in the zone where the tooth extraction took place and maybe I have an infection as the gum is sore to the touch. When I feel the touch of sympathy or feel the loving frustration of being unable to do anything, I can either stay mired in the pain or choose love. When she is in pain with her back I can remain self-focused or choose to be other-focused in love.
God is love. Not God has love but God is love. This could be a philosophical statement that God in essence is love or God as transcendental defines all loves. But I'd like to think every human relationship has the potential to include God and be loving. To choose Love is to choose to include God. Iris and I pray that God will remain the centre of our relationship.
We have been given a God who not only allows us to make mistakes, but even uses our mistakes in our favor! Such a pattern becomes obvious in the ministry of Jesus. Joy is what happens when you suddenly find an excess of life and a surplus of love within yourself! ... Any system of measuring and weighing does not give joy, just order and predictability. Never confuse a well-oiled machine with the joyous wedding banquet that Jesus uses as his most common metaphor for eternity. Sadly some people prefer machines to parties. (adapted from Richard Rohr Things Hidden:Scripture as Spirituality)
Life takes unimaginable twists and turns. Health incidents over the last year, situations and words which seemingly have conspired against us, and mistakes which need redemption. My spiritual director sent me this piece adapted from Richard Rohr's book. In this current season in my life I am learning about the duality of life - that life is never merely about either being happy or sad. Rather life is frequently tinged with both ecstasy and agony. I am reminded of a reflection I read written by CS Lewis. He was sitting in a dark garden shed and looking at the beam of light coming into the darkness from a crack in the door. The light can only be seen because of the dust particles in the air and only because the immediate circumstances are darkness. In all of life we need faith and hope but when it all boils down it is love we are looking for. God gives himself to us and it is he who is love itself.
And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. 1 Cor 13:13
Another health scare. Since my dental surgery I've had some jaw pain replacing 15 fillings and having one extraction under sedation is pretty major. I've started grinding my teeth and one lone molar is complaining. Last night was spent in East York General.
Nowadays I'm stressing more and my health plan seems reluctant to pay their part of the dental bill and I had to empty my account to lower the Visa interest payment of the dental surgery. Then my employer forgot to make the monthly pay transfer and I found out after I made the money transfer to pay the Visa bill. I didn't have enough money to pay the rent!
I found myself having to try and solved the problems myself and deal with systems which seem to be conspiring to cause me more stress. So I became stressed more and generated more jaw pain. Well yesterday was bad and in the evening I felt really bad and nearly passed out. I couldn't ever feel my pulse but thank God Iris was with me and she called 911. They came and my blood pressure 79 over 45. The fire fighters had to empty my hallway of bikes and stuff out to the porch in order to carry me out to the ambulance. I was in hospital until 1.30am when they finally released me. Life is extremely fragile. It appears I had a medication conflict probably the muscle relaxant, and pain killers and perhaps dehydration because my apartment was so hot. If I had been alone I'm not sure I'd be here now.
The trouble is my jaw is now so sensitive that I can't chew any food easily. But I'm alive. The clutter in the hall way has been partially dealt with and I will finish the sorting. The deepest concern is when Iris leaves to go home how will I be? Is this all about trusting God and his providence. He brought us together and now it needs miracles for this to continue.But the call for trust and faith is tough for both of us.
Iannis: When you fall in love, it is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake, and then it subsides. And when it subsides, you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots are become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the desire to mate every second of the day. It is not lying awake at night imagining that he is kissing every part of your body. No... don't blush. I am telling you some truths. For that is just being in love; which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over, when being in love has burned away. Doesn't sound very exciting, does it? But it is! from Captain Corelli's Mandolin
My god-daughter's wedding service had this quotation read out and I am still flying around the quotation because it has caught me like a light to a moth. For love needs to endure to the end but what is that love that endures. As I pray for my god-daughter in her marriage and remember others in their's, and others struggling, and others no longer in marriage.
Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails...But now faith, hope, love, abide these three; but the greatest of these is love. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7,13
Would you exchange a tremendous professional triumph for a severe personal blow? Dave Brooks New York Times
Sandra Bullock's success with an Oscar and that great acclaim that it brings is contrasted with her personal life and marital failure. Even larger salaries and endorsements and possibly a longer life as Oscar winners tend to live longer. Getting my hair cut, it was noted I don't have any gray or white hair. When asked I said that I think it's because I don't worry so much especially about the need to make money and have things. A woman in the salon started on about how surely more money means you'll be more happy. Well a few people chipped in. One hair stylist asked if I exercise and meditate, which is what I do. But then I was asked if I was Buddhist. I said No I'm Christian. The conversation died into silence? Why?
Research according to Dave Brooks shows that once the basic necessities have been met then income is only lightly connected to well-being. In fact lottery winners tend not to be happier rather sadder with greater problems. Yet don't we also long for more money? If we apply Maslow's hierarchy of needs to our glasses it is interesting that Brooks says "According to one study, joining a group that meets even just once a month produces the same happiness gain as doubling your income. According to another, being married produces a psychic gain equivalent to more than $100,000 a year." The need to belong being met contributes far more than having stuff and possessions and money.
Christians do forget where to lay up their treasures. We need to see the world in a different light. Workaholism and striving for personal success are real, very real. To pursue these has a real cost. The alternative is we all need to enjoy the present moment and the little blessings and not lust after the big things.
I live in a home of 140 square feet. ... Most people would say this is an impossible way to live, but the truth is, my transition to a simpler life has made me happier and healthier than I have ever be ... I find I still use about 2,000 square feet of space, just as I did in the past. The difference is that the other 1,860 square feet of living space—my office at work, the gym, the laundromat, restaurants—is not mine to maintain anymore. Gregory Paul Johnson (original here)
The danger of fill out my life physically, mentally, and with any form of activity is very real. Don't we long for simpler and happier and healthier lives. There's a lot of things to consider here. Perhaps we all need to reconsider the scale on which we live and what fills up our lives? I got to find time to reread Sider's Rich Christians in an Age of Hunger and Foster's Freedom of Simplicity. Life is too full of stuff.
I need to improve my health more and allergy proofing is an issue I was reading a list of things to do the improve the home and guess what I read at Apartment therapy?
4. Focus on your bedroom. This is where you spend the majority of your time at home, and mattresses and pillows naturally develop dust mites over time. ... 5. We all love to read in bed, but bookcases in the bedroom are a no-no for allergy sufferers too, as books gather a ton of dust.And guess what? I have my library, a ton of books and music in my ... bedroom! The changes in my life look like they will be continuing and fairly drastically. However to get rid of some of the coughing, wheezing, and sneezing would be great.
Friendship is one of the greatest gifts a human being can receive. It is a bond beyond common goals, ... interests, or ... histories. ... more intimate than the bonds of marriage or community. Friendship is being with the other in joy and sorrow, even when we cannot increase the joy or decrease the sorrow. It is a unity of souls that gives nobility and sincerity to love. Friendship makes all of life shine brightly. Henri Nouwen Bread for the Journey
I learned personally a long time ago that no-one can take away personal pain. We can numb it, deaden it using alcohol or pain medicine, but actually it is still there underneath. We can seek distraction but it is still there. She cried much of yesterday when I was away from her and later when she was with me. Words can cause so much pain and given in rejection. But I cannot take away the pain, only be a friend.
Friendship is an important aspect of human relationships and essential to being-with another person. A spiritual director is sometimes called soul friend, someone who accompanies another. I am learning the importance of being a friend in every situation. for friendship can make all of life shine brightly even in the middle of the darkest night. I know that for the many I call friend in their difficult life situations. God give them his shalom.
I got the wrong animal my 다람쥐 is a chipmunk and not a squirrel. Similar animals but one is cuter and not called a tree rat. She really is a challenge and a joy.
Life takes incredible turns. I've decided to take a leave of absence for a year from the Dmin. Too many major life changes. increased responsibilities in my employing agency and this possible soul mate and help mate as well.
I felt it was a wise decision to put everything academic on hold to sort out these major aspects of my life. I'm happy to put things on pause with the stresses of relationship to run its course. The current situation is exposing God's providence and grace are bringing forth new depths to my experience of the divine in daily life. Every day is a bit of a struggle with highs and lows. Somehow we assume love smoothes everything out. But that's not true. Shakespeare's Love is Blind is really a lie. A Korean saying says you cannot hide a cough, sneeze or love.
As I prepared talks over the Christmas period I realised the Christmas is about love and a desired relationship. The cost was extremely high and involved great vulnerability and the possibility of rejection. But the love wasn't blind, it was a clear chosen act, a giving of self.
... love also takes the form of the incarnation of God. The divine Beloved becomes man. he enters the realm of God's created love. He is now loved as one of creation. Reversely, being united to the Word made flesh, human persons enter the realm of God's immanent love. To be one with the Christ means to share the divine filiation and to receive the Father's love. George H Tavard A Way of Love page 66For my current situation seems providential with miracles, voices, and discernable divine action - what remains is whether for a season or a lifetime? I have to trust that things will work themselves out.
