Stress and Strain of feeding

Another week has gone by. Now I'm trying to squeeze a visit to the hospital each day. Aunt Mary is improving - sitting up in bed and feeding herself. But she is picky and not eating anywhere enough food. Tonight I asked the nursing station to order 2 puddings preferably chocolate. The trouble is no-one has enough time to note how much food she is actually eating. Half a cup of turnip perhaps a few small pieces of meat, 1 tablespoon of mashed potato some juice, and a pudding is not enough. The trouble is chewing and swallowing demands too much effort for her. But she also has no appetite except for good tasting food. So I had to mix margarine and black pepper with the turnip and she was more willing to eat a little more.

Somehow this applies to all aspects of the human person. Not just physical food. What is spiritual nutrition? There is meditative prayer which is a human actively engaged and which requires effort but as Teresa of Avila points out this requires great effort. I do believe we need to to really cultivate the "be still and know" type of prayer. Contemplative prayer requires active passivity and in many ways it is a receiving. Neuroscience has already noted that when we gain insight our brain chemistry changes and hormones are released. I think we could say that insights gained from sitting with God in contemplative prayer are the spices and flavourings which can encourage us to take care of our nutritional needs more fully.

Achieving techno-literacy or being a good beginner

Before you can master a device, program or invention, it will be superseded; you will always be a beginner. Get good at it. Kevin Kelly New York Times

This is probably the longest title for one of my blog entries. My boss told me today to clear the voice message box on my cell. Strangely I have no idea even how to access the box yet alone empty it. The trouble is most of the time we're surviving with tech toys because it is obsolete the moment we get it. But my argument here is he wants me to learn how to use something he wants to use but I don't want! Ignorance is bliss it is stress removing. Kevin Kelly author of an article in the New York Times has made me think more deeply about this.

We don’t need expertise with every invention; that is not only impossible, it’s not very useful. Rather, we need to be literate in the complexities of technology in general, as if it were a second nature.

It's not a matter of proficiency because we become slaves of the machine or we suffer loss because we operate how the technology wants us to use it. It is a matter of literacy so we can puzzle things out and how to do things the way we want to. The trouble is I'm late arrival on cell phones having been a user for less than 2 years. I'm happily ignorant. But ask me how to get something working or recover something that used to work and doesn't work now on one of my computers and generally I am pretty successful. Email is my preferred dimension of communication. Why because I am not oppressed by it. I can choose to deal with it or ignore it for a time. It does not control me. I like texting because it's the same but I'm slow because the multi buttons and intelligent or at least semi-intelligent input troubles me because it is counter intuitive.

Kevin Kelly writes further wisdom -

Every new technology will bite back. The more powerful its gifts, the more powerfully it can be abused. Look for its costs.

For me it is the cost is the tyranny of the urgent. The phone back home cost per call so no-one simply called for a time-wasting chat because every second cost money. But the phone and cell-phone put us in the urgent deal-with-me-now situation applying a lot of pressure.

Well how does this apply to the spiritual life? Internet addiction, crackberry habit, the desperate need to keep up with other so-called friends reveals something important. So how many Facebook friends do you have? Does that friend include God? How do I measure that friendship.

I believe, like media literacy, the development of techno literacy as critical thinking is important. We need to decide, make judgments as to what is really important. Sometimes I will use technology and devices in my devotional life, but more often than not I use paper books, pens and a nice paper journal to facilitate my time with God. Why? Because I remove the tyranny of the urgent by using slower tools and in that moment I gain freedom.

The older the technology, the more likely it will continue to be useful. Kevin Kelly

More dimensions part 2

Reading appears passive because it takes place in a chair, on a bed, at the beach, in the tub, etc. Reading is action, exercise demanding strength of mind. Amy King Start A Revolution: Read this Book

I came across a longer quotation from Amy King which helped me understand more about the difference between books and film. Reading requires effort "working the imagination in to a sweat and, by default, developing other difficult-to-discuss human attributes like empathy and conscience." I don't think she is denying film or movies can have something to say and stretch our minds but her polemic is to challenge us not to be passive undiscriminating members of the crowd. I suppose her book has to go on my list of to read one day!

When it comes to reading the Bible it is not about learning stories, or being amused, or studying it to collect mere wisdom. Ideally it is about it becoming part of our worldview, developing our imagination and expectations, and changing our character to growing in empathy and conscience. The key is, I think, reading for formation and re-formation, rather than merely reading for information to be extracted.

cleaning and clearing

The cleaning has slowed down but is still happening. Now I must deal with new old things in my life. Sometimes we allow the past to shackle us and events and memories are like lead weighing us down. We need to find healing and a new space to live. I’ved loved the concept of ereignis as a philosophical idea from Heidegger. Often translated as an event, Hubert Dreyfus defined it as "things coming into themselves by belonging together." I see it as a conceptual clearing in the forest or place of meeting. I'm in that little place where you can see the sky.

Let the redeemed of the Lord say this, Those he redeemed from the land of the foe, Those he gathered from the lands, from east and west, from north and sea Some wandered in desert wastelands Finding no way to a city where they could settle they were hungry and thirsty And their lives ebbed away. Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble And he delivered them from their distress. He led them by a straightway To a city where they could settle. Psalm 107: 2-8

Falling in love

Nothing is more practical than finding God, that is, than falling in love in a quite absolute, final way. What you are in love with, what seizes your imagination, will affect everything. It will decide what will get you out of bed in the morning, what you will do with your evenings, how you will spend your weekends, what you read, who you know, what breaks your heart, and what amazes you with joy and gratitude. Fall in love, stay in love and it will decide everything. Pedro Arrupe, S.J.

What exactly is a healthy intimacy? I am privy to deep parts of people's lives and wrote to a friend recently as we discussed the nature of love and the dimensions and different parts or forms of Love - "For me the tension is very real in loving another so deeply and feeling their experiences, that that loving doesn't cross over into falling in love. A very real risk." Pedro Arrupe I think points to a falling in love with God but there is a wider aspect to be considered.

A mute point

I haven't posted in a few weeks. problems of internet connections and adapting to dial-up. I'm the middle of summer school learning how to refine my thesis proposal. We learn together and the most interesting thing is so many of us seem to be working on aspects of discipling or spiritual formation. Why is the church shrinking? Even the larger churches are staying the same size even though there are many new people joining... There seems to be this issue that people are leaving as fast as they arrive at best and worst simply leaving and not being replaced.

One of my fellow D.Min students figures it is all about seriousness. I agree entirely somehow the loss of conviction, motivation and even drive. I've been asking why so many twenty somethings lose their passion and vaitality of faith sometime after leaving university. It's mute point but perhaps our passion is based on questioning and when everything is up for grabs.

What spirituality style are you?

The people at Natural Church Development are working on a new inventory about spirituality. You might like to try it at www.3colorsofyourspirituality.org .

I've completed their online survey and I'm interested that I seem pretty balanced now. Ten years ago it would have been different.

Rational Style - 121 ; Doctrinal Style - 111 ; Scripture-driven Style - 120 ; Sharing Style - 120 ; Ascetic Style - 115 ; Enthusiastic Style - 110 ; Mystical Style - 122 ; Sacramental Style - 110 ; Sensory Style - 100 ;

techno fast

An enormous danger to the Church is an unthinking Christianity that slips into society's patterns of living without investigating their validity. We should fear bandwagons that draw in participants who haven't really thought through the significance and meaning of a particular movement for their lives. Marva Dawn Truly The Community

Lent is a time for Christians to focus often giving up things. Fat Tuesday also pancake or Shrove Tuesday last week is a clearing of formerly luxury foods for the season of Lent. A few years ago I limited my tv viewing to one hour a day. Friends give up chocolate. This year in Italy catholics are urging switching off technology such as mp3 players and abstaining or reducing internet surfing or text messaging until Easter.

Of course the issue really isn't about denial but discipline and self-discipline. Reducing my tv viewing freed me up for reading more things. Since I now don't have a tv now, I've decided to ensure I do an hour of devotional reading a day in this season. Not Bible study nor prayer but devotional reading by trying to read good Christian literature. I avoid as much Christian fluff as possible. Marva Dawn asserts "How people think is the basis for who they become."

Makoto Fujimura asserts that "we carry the dust of Eden in our DNA. Now, as we face a world ... we need to understand that our imaginative capacities carry a responsibility to heal, every bit as much as they carry a responsibility to depict angst." I feel Lent is a time of simplicity getting rid of complexity in order to find God both in angst and healing. Recently I was reading about the Father General of the Jesuits, Pedro Arupe who after celebrating Mass in a slum in South America, was invited to a home by a big man. Arupe wasn't sure whether to go or not, but he went to a shack that was ready to collapse.

He had me sit down on a rickety old chair. From there I could see the sunset. The big man said to me, "Look sir, how beautiful it is!" We sat in silence for a few minutes. The sun disappeared. The man then said, " I don't know how to thank you for all you have done for us. I have nothing to give you, but I thought you would like to see this sunset. You liked it, didn't you? Good evening."

I missed the sunset but last night I looked at the moon and then at a very bright light in the sky. So bright it was difficult not to keep looking at it and wondering what it was. I know now it is Venus in the Western sky. Can we appreciate or wonder at the simple things when we have the distraction of other things? I'm not sure or not.

Living Simpler

Could you live on 1,500 dollars? not a month but a year! $1,500 for one year for groceries, household items and personal care expenses. This is for real - see it here. The family of four is in the US news and they are a coupon family in the main. I am not sure about really how healthy their diet is given the amount of prepared foods they are using but it's an interesting thing in a recession and an age of consumption. Fox news here reports so far they are on 125 dollars a month.

How much simpler can you live? I try and live pretty simply in many ways. Though my computer etc have taken up money recently and a number of hobbies/projects also. Perhaps these I need to keep a tighter reign on. I know students who are living on 60-70 dollars a week and I pretty well match their level. Though currently my travel pass is costing me money.

I wonder where does that saved money go? The tension is already that global economies are unstable and in recession because people aren't buying consumer items in sufficient volume. Capitalism and the free market depends on consumption. There is something wrong here and yet if we all lived like the Spooner family, then whole economies would collapse. Is there a balance?

This weekend, I was talking with an international student about cost benefit analysis when thinking about civil engineering and environmental impact and risk. Current discussions have indicated that the Szechuan earthquake may have been caused by a large dam and it's lake sitting over a fault line. The benefits of water management over the risks of such an event. Cost benefit is an important thing to have in mind. Saving money is only one aspect, what we do with the money we saved is also something important. How we use that money is also important! Laying up our treasures in the right place is important. However making sure the heart and mind are in the right place first is very important. Perhaps this is where balance starts.

Packrat or Hoarder?

I follow a couple of key sites which keep me uptodate with a lot of things. I'm a great fan of Lifehacker.com which introduced me to a few special deals and offers available. Some of my productivity tools were introduced to me through their entries. Check off is a todolist which syncs with my iPod. Google calendar synced with iCal which in turn also syncs with my iPod but also Using Pagepacker I produce a tiny little booklet based on one sheet of paper which includes my weekly events plus monthly calendars, a quick phone book and a myriad of productivity sheets.

Today I was reading my other favourite Apartmenttherapy.com. A post called help my husband is a packrat caught my attention. Of course I had to read the appeal for help and the 23 comments/advice. I know I'm a packrat because it's genetic - all my uncles and aunts are and most of my cousins are too. I hope this isn't libelous. Well thats until I read one comment which suggested there is a difference between packrats and hoarders.

Packrats [and those hoarders who don't have severe illness]can sometimes be convinced to sort and store their possessions in an organized fashion, as long as they don't have to get rid of their stuff. ... An organized hoarder or packrat is someone I could negotiate with, but dirty habits (unwillingness to throw away real garbage) are issues that ultimately ruin relationships. I hope yours is just a hygenic packrat!

Now I'm not sure whether I'm packrat or hoarder. I hate waste and things thrown away. The borderline is when someone's garbage is really your treasure or is it still garbage. I can get rid of things and give things away. In fact I collect things like bikes to give away and collects things towards projects in the future. But the problem is When am I really collecting garbage? For example my computer monitor speakers came out of the garbage. Well actually the last 3 sets have. The best set are a pair of Roland MA8's which work perfectly and have real depth and clarity but I have given away numerous sets rather than hoarded them.

But as a new immigrant I do have hoarder tendencies. With the recession round the corner these tendencies are likely to become more pronounced. I'm pleased that I can ride pass interesting things on the curbside and also turndown certain offers. I have started casting an eye over things regarding quality, value, usability, and condition as part of the consideration but it's still difficult.

Living life more simply has it's challenges and whether it is packrat or hoarder they are real challenges. It's not the collecting, rather whether we use them. "Packrats that collect or hoard for no good reason might need therapy. Packrats that collect for love or investment or other real reasons may need a reality check or storage or organization help, but it doesn't automatically make them mentally ill."

I wonder about our spiritual practices. There can be a danger that we simply collect them and do them and they fail to lead to good habits and ultimately virtuous living. They are the ends rather than the means to an end. In a review of authors lists of spiritual disciplines which I did, I was surprised to see journalling in several lists. I recall reading something by Kenneth Leech author of the classic Soul Friend. In the article, he critiqued the idea that spiritual direction should become a profession and also the idea that journalling is a spiritual discipline. I'm inclined to agree with his issues especially as journalling becomes a discipline instead of one method or a device to aid the Examen, which is a review of the presence and absence of God in daily, weekly and monthly life. The device has become the end not even the means which is concerned with the Spirit.

This is the word of the LORD to Zerubbabel: 'Not by might nor by power, but by my Spirit,' says the LORD Almighty. Zechariah 4:6

Opinions and authenticity

Do you remember the James, Brother of Jesus Ossuary box? It did a bit of a world tour! It was proclaimed as a first century a limestone bone box that could have contained the bones of James, the brother of Jesus. On one side of the ossuary was carved “James, son of Joseph, brother of Jesus.” We have to note all these names are common James (Jacob), Joseph and Jesus (Joshua) were all fairly common among Jews at the turn of the era.

Then the Israel Antiquities Authority (IAA) appointed a panel by a unanimous vote claimed that it was forgery, something faked. Now some 5 years later it finally came to trial in Israel and now we find there is original ancient patina in the word Jesus and that it wasn't an unanimous vote. Firstly several simply did not vote , they abstained and others voted on the basis of another scientist's expertise which they did not have the skills to assess. The verdict is still out but the accusation of forgery is much weaker.

Authenticity is something very precious but at the end of the day it's based on evidence and opinions. It is provisional awaited better evidence or refuting evidence and even then it remains opinions. There is a lot of taste and see to it all.

I'm currently rereading Richard Foster's Freedom of Simplicity and today it seems a very different book to that which I read over 20 years ago and even 5 years ago. It tastes very different because I'm different. I am searching for simplicity, order out of my personal chaos. The insights are much sweeter and more sour. Avoiding living a legalism and not confusing poverty and simplicity. Perhaps a significant thought from it is this -

God is not the author of confusion ... when we live out of the divine Center, thoughts and decisions flow from the Fountainhead ... We will have no need to reverse our decision if the winds of opinion change, for we have spoken out of a deeper reality than the latest Gallup poll.

It's a matter of having God at the centre and being attentive. It is less "God coming into us to our coming into God." Whether a life lived in attentiveness to God is good and satisfying eventually boils down to opinions. But these opinions need to be rooted in personal validation.

Taste and see that the LORD is good; blessed is the person who takes refuge in him. Psalm 34:8

Green and green

One way to put the question that I want to answer here is this: why was it virtually impossible not to believe in God in, say, 1500 in our Western society, while in 2000 many of us find this not only easy, but even inescapable? Charles Taylor A Secular Age

Side effects isn't only a problem with drugs and pharmaceuticals. Being green has its side effects for example the new fluorescent energy saving bulbs contain heavy metals and require alternative disposal. The targets for the development of biofuels means diverting food and in particular grains and especially corn from human consumption to fuel production. This supposed trust in technology continues to frustrate me and is a residue of a human aspiration that human progress and technology will ultimately solve all problems. or perhaps even worse maybe humans are ostriches hiding their heads in the sand of denial of a problem.

Something a little more base has come up in our attempt to green things, fungi. In particular a Patagonian rainforest tree fungus naturally produces a mixture of chemicals that is remarkably similar to diesel. Not only that it doesn't use the valuable sugars and starches but cellulose which is that fibrous part of plants such as stalks and sawdust which we throw away. Strange it was more about going and finding than creating and having science or technology being involved. I suppose it is part of the older scientific tradition of collecting, observing and sampling - which is associated with wandering and wondering about the the world. I am reminded of the quotation attributed to Johannes Kepler.

"I was merely thinking God's thoughts after him. Since we astronomers are priests of the highest God in regard to the book of nature, it benefits us to be thoughtful, not of the glory of our minds, but rather, above all else, of the glory of God."

Perhaps what we have essentially lost is our wonder. That the natural world can actually give a sense of awe and wonder. What went wrong? Why can't people find motivation to change their attitudes and lifestyles? Charles Taylor continues in A Secular Age:-

…the salient feature of the modern cosmic imaginary is not that it has fostered materialism, or enabled people to recover a spiritual outlook beyond materialism, to return as it were to religion, though it has done both these things. …it has opened a space in which people can wander between and around all these options without having to land clearly and definitively in any one.

We're in real trouble, aren't we? The side effect of losing God and recovering a new spirituality is a new space and a new freedom. The trouble is we lost the freedom to think and the freedom to choose. Taylor see this as the Age of Authenticity where “each one of us has his/her own way of realizing our humanity, and that it is important to find and live out one’s own, as against surrendering to conformity with a model imposed on us from outside, by society, or the previous generation, or religious or political authority.” The rise of a new individualism and a new spirituality which is reactionary against traditional religion. Being true to oneself and authentically oneself in style and practice.

I'm left with wondering even my own spiritual practices are actually an expression of this movement in culture. Perhaps even yours or the abandonment of them? What can happen in our search for authenticity in this age of the individual self is lostness and the inability to truly commit. perhaps this is the source of my own acedia?

And now, O Israel, what does the LORD your God ask of you but to fear the LORD your God, to walk in all his ways, to love him, to serve the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul, Deut 10:12

A Sense of Justice

Thus, while I accept that granting leave to appeal could appear unfair, it does not amount to a level of unfairness that is contrary to the interests of justice, ... Granting leave to appeal would not violate the conscience of the community. On the contrary, as I have mentioned, the error in the sentences imposed is of a nature such as to require the Attorney General to appeal to ensure that the administration of justice is fairly and properly carried out. The Court of Appeal

I am frequently filled with a sense of injustice listening to court rulings and sentences. In a recent case I found this statement which was very special. In a plea bargain, in exchange for a guilty plea the Toronto Crown Attorney's office agreed not to appeal, however the Attorney General appealed the sentencing. I was amazed to see a sense of justice, as the conscience of the people, removed from contract law. Of course Christians place justice in a different place.

If spirituality is to be authentic it requires a sense of justice and injustice, just as discernment, as an aspect of spirituality looks at good and evil As I sit on my student council at college we have wrestle with justice and social justice issues. After a year we have replaced virtually all the disposable styrofoam cups and plates and plastic utensils with paper or corn based plastics. Not merely a matter of environmentalism but ecojustice and stewardship. I hope this year to raise questions about justice for international students who seem to fund universities with their escalated fees and get limited specialized assistance to enable them to complete their programs. Spirituality is not merely about practices but values and concerns which are divine.

Woe to those who decree unrighteous decrees, Who write misfortune, Which they have prescribed To rob the needy of justice, And to take what is right from the poor of My people, That widows may be their prey, And that they may rob the fatherless. What will you do in the day of punishment, And in the desolation which will come from afar? To whom will you flee for help? And where will you leave your glory? Isaiah 10:1-3

How Building Learn

Buildings never stop changing. Some do it well and become loved. Some do it badly and get worse over time. The difference is intelligent design and intelligent use. Stewart Brand How Buildings Learn

I've just finished watching a series of documentaries called How Building Learn. It's beautifully crafted series written and presented by Stewart Brand. It challenges notions and ideas that buildings are timeless permanent edifices. For instead the problems are frequently, the architects who see they are building monoliths which are there to resist change and time. Literally they are building works of art, rather than utilitarian structures which can change and adapt. While good buildings learn and adapt and reflect the lessons of people who live in them, really bad buildings can only be replaced.

As I look around building in this city I can see that many of the new structures are open to Stewart's criticisms. They are so radical and difficult to adapt and in fact the Lee Chin Crystal has to be modified from the start because of over heating problems because of the quantity of glass. I suspect eventually it will be demolished rather than loved. The new parts of the British Museum are adaptable spaces which ultimately you will forget how it was before because it is so supportive of its function as a place for people. I have rethought a few ideas and concepts because of seeing the series which is fully available at Google Video.

Francis Duffy asserts "Images are everything. What actually happens inside buildings, what the building was for, becomes forgotten." Buildings are not about looking nice but about living in them. My spaces in my apartment are about being functional except at the moment I am dysfunctional at home. I returned to journalling yesterday after a 6 month hiatus. During my time of reflection about what has been happening inside me and what changes have come about, I did a drawing on a pile of things on one of my desk areas. As I looked over the drawing I realized it reflected many aspects of my life at the moment. There is still disorder and dysfunction. A continuation of the great cleanup is required and not to lose moments. New insights mean that everything should have its place and in designing and sorting and arranging the need for adaptivity is important but not at the cost of descending into disorder.

Within my spiritual practices I need my journal because while adaptable to my moods and transitions and changes in basic practice, it asserts an order to changes or being flexible. When I look at the early days it was very heady and thoughtful meditation and analysis of material I was reading. Then as drawing became more important it became a place to open my psyche to myself. I don't know what it will become but my journal will not stop changing in content and style and it will prevent a descent into chaos.

Foolhardy Optimism

The city is in ruins. Steve McCraw, director of Homeland Security in Texas speaking of Galveston.

Hurricane Ike hit hard and even after the lessons of previous experiences, 10,000 people still stayed in Galveston, Texas. Despite living in a place that remembers a hurricane that killed 8,000 people in 1900, these people ignored the best advice and so far 2,000 have had to be rescued. The city is uninhabitable reminiscent of New Orleans not so long ago with Katrina. Only two weeks ago it was Hurricane Gustav for Eastern Texas. Do people still have an optimism that everything will turn out OK? I still feel a lot of people live with "it will never happen to me" lifestyles. Furthermore I read a report that 300 relief workers in Houston are low on food and water already. The report suggested that they were already hungry and thirsty. Even more issues await the residents of Texas seen in this warning sent out.

Citizens remaining in Southeast Texas should be very cautious of snakes, fireants and other potentially dangerous wildlife in the wake of Hurricane Ike. Cottonmouth water moccasins and copperheads are the two most prevalent poisonous snake species in the region and they along with numerous nonvenomous species are likely to enter homes and other dwellings in flood conditions.

Trying to avoid thoughts of the plagues of Egypt, I see that preparedness is not a foolhardy optimism. It is always a readiness for the inevitability that something might go wrong. Preparedness is not always prepared to stay but also a prepared to go. I often have a bag packed ready to go. It contains my travel clothing rather than my everyday wear. You might wonder what the difference is if you know what I normally wear. Well everything in the bag is fast dry Though they are mainly lightweight as a result, but it does layer for cooler situations. I think we should be always living with "it might happen to me."

With an understanding of the end of time, Christians not only have a strong hope in life in the age to come but also a judgment on behaviour and action. What did we do with our resources? What did we do in response to situations? I'd like to be prepared to that accounting exercise.

After a long time the master of those servants returned and settled accounts with them. Matt 25:19

Being a blessing

Jesus came to bless us, not to curse us. But we must choose to receive that blessing and hand it on to others. Blessings and curses are always placed in front of us. We are free to choose. God says, Choose the blessings! Henri Nouwen Bread for the Journey

... all we know is what Jesus did. And perhaps what we need to know is what Jesus would have me do. Jesus washed his disciples’ feet, and told his disciples to do the same (John 13:14-15). Some Christians, in spite of shoes and changing culture, obey this literally (though more as a ceremony than an everyday act of hospitality). Helen Parry LICC

This morning all my daily readings collided together to support each other and yet also bring further to focus the thoughts of the last week. Hospitality is a blessing, even a grace, which is powerful as we pass it on. I've been frustrated because my untidiness is preventing hospitality at home and I still have to work on that. But this morning I am forced to realize that a willingness to spend time with someone far from home is also hospitality. Being available to listen to someone significantly different in age, race, or lifestyle is also hospitality and a way of blessing another and therefore a good work.

And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work. 2 Corinthians 9:8

Lost and don't know where to go

Thursday night biking home I was stopped by a woman wearing a Canada Post uniform asking me where certain streets were, including my own. Nothing strange except I continued on my way home and about 10 minutes later she came up the street delivering mail and I found out from her she'd been asked to do this round at 11am. I noticed it was now 6.30pm.

I am surprised at her devotion to duty to get the letters delivered but surprised that she had no map book or guide to help her. She was clearly wandering around trying find the streets and those she asked about weren't small little roads. I wonder how many people are wandering through life without a reliable map or even better a guide.

A spiritual director is more of a companion who walks with you and points out the presence of God or refers you to pages in the guide book. A mentor tends to work more intellectually to develop and support growth. When looking around I still don't understand why so many rely on peers rather than searching someone older or more mature to help them. I am still blessed to have many people to learn from and guide me. People who don't tell me what to do but point to God.

Downsizing

During a time of sharing this week I was amazed for a moment how many of us were feeling challenged or at least considering issues surrounding the quantity of stuff we have accumulated. Somehow confronted by the realities of our own mortality, the members of our group were considering what we really need in life. I remain challenged especially because my great cleanup is stalled again. Put another way, at the moment I'm wondering would I want my friends and family have to expend huge amounts of energy and resource dealing with all this stuff.

Somehow over the years I've had to help 3 elderly ladies move and all were traumatic because of the quantity of stuff. One woman had a single room 20 feet by 12 feet (6m x 4m) however there was a mountain of bundled newspapers and magazines and boxes about 5 feet tall (1.7m) in the centre of the room and it occupied close to 75 percent of the floor space. She was moving to a small room in sheltered housing and in the end I was throwing bundles out of the window rather than carrying them down out into the street.

I know I need to clear but the will to keep going is finding it difficult at the moment. I know how difficult it was for many of my relatives to let go of stuff and I struggle. But it has to happen if I am to move forwards in life.

Day 14 and green sweaters

I got the net ready and quickly snatched up the crab. ... I tried getting the crab out of the net. The crab’s strong claws gripped the net fiercely. Its other legs fought frantically, thereby tangling the crab more and more with each movement. ... The crab was so tangled, it began to look like it was wearing a green sweater.

Luckily, one of the grounds keepers walked by and noticed my struggle ... hang the crab, net and all, an inch or two over the water in the canal. I did as he said.

For a minute the crab didn’t move a muscle. Then the crab started to move. One leg free, then the next. Like magic, the crab attracted to his watery home, undid every knot and sling holding him in place. Then “plop” he dropped effortlessly into the water. Brad Isaac persistenceunlimited.com

Today I've had 2 quite deep conversations. The first, a new immigrant, is unable currently to practice his profession here. He kept talking about alternatives similar and total different. There has a lot of talk about salary and employability. He had a goal to pursue his orginal career but he kept losing sight of it in his insecurities. I felt he was stuck in a web or green sweater of his insecurities. Many of the options and short-term goals didn't seem to match or support his long-term goals and just led to more indecision. I asked what his goal was quite a few times. He struggled because he was wrapped up with all these choices.

Later another call and another stuck in her green sweater and needing to find release from her insecurities and also the world's/culture' dominant values of success and planning and knowing where you're going. She finally began to let go because her attraction to her home with God was stronger than hanging on to stress creating values. Not solved rather her eyes fixed on the right goal.

The matter is we ought not to become fixated on our green sweaters but more so on goals though perhaps I might rephrase that in spiritual terms our calling or our deep God-given desires. To carry on the clean up, besides grace,I need both a vision of freedom with God and the will-power to head off in that direction.

Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Hebrews 12:2

Day 10 and the great clean up

Day 10 and I'm still not significantly out of the living room. This presents a problem as I've not really been home much today. There is a new pile of things in the middle of the floor much of which is awaiting a new home but a lot of paper is gone/shredded or filed.

Yesterday I did some research on tiny houses and tiny homes and have found new ideas for clearing up and new inspiration for stuff reduction. With my incredible tendency to collect and hoard, like a squirrel or hamster there are issues. Looking through my receipts for the last 10 years music has occupied a significant part of my expenditure. However there are many things that did not work out and some I have given away but other are still in a closet. Time to clear out! I'm returning to an old theme that small is beautiful and perhaps smaller and simpler is better. Frequently stuff just causes me more distress than relief, more stress than security. Perhaps this is a new stage for me in understanding purgation, an important stage in spiritual growth.