The third day

Somehow three days into my back incident and I feel like this infirmity has been a catalyst for the good. People have been helping me clear and clean and a carpet of dust is now gone. I feel a new ordering.

The strangest thing is in the anime My Neighbour Totoro the little girl Mei follows a trail of nuts left on the ground. In clearing my living room we found a hazelnut in the corner and immediately thought of Totoro. Stuff is going out the door and I am feeling new freedom. Just to keep up the momentum is important and key to moving forwards. This set back is bring movement forward in unimagined ways. But still so much left to do. In all this I am feeling blessed.

crazy or reasonable

My current back trouble isn't due to this crazy event carried out by my colleagues and boss. I simply shot this video off my camera. This ruined swing bridge was encounter half way through our sabbath celebration of ministry, though I wonder about the reasonableness of jumping from a bridge into a channel used by boating traffic. Enjoy these crazy people.

Brokenness and need

The picture describes how I feel this morning. My back has gone again. After a good few years of freedom, it's happened again. The old injury has reasserted itself and the pinched nerve pain is back. This morning it took me 5 minutes to roll around trying to find a position so I could get up out of bed, without shooting pains. I feel so frustrated but successfully got to the bathroom. I felt so insecure needing to use wall doors etc to help me walk, or even move.

Back pain is a major problem yet the pain in the legs and backside aren't where the problem is. The ache is referred from a pinched nerve in my back. The shooting pains are, I think, linked to the nerve and muscles which tense trying to protect me. Yet because of the tension I have no back strength to move rather generate more pain when I move.

I have reached that situation where I'm really struggling and pure will power is not enough. About 10 days ago, Iris smiled in a situation where I bit off more than I could chew and told me that she felt good because I needed her. She's an international who came to help me. I must remember that in my ability to serve and help that I must also learn to receive. For some it is vice versa, but for me it is to allow others to help me in my need. For some it is the spiritual discipline of service, perhaps others it is the spiritual discipline of discipline of being served. For me often my identity is based in what I do or can do, yet true relationship has some aspect of reciprocity, on a human to human level this should be mutuality. But on the divine to human level we encounter something very different. We serve and yet we are also served.

In this time I'm struggling. I have to be open to being served with all the implications that are involved.

Worship and Musical miracles

Years ago I was handed a copy of Grantley Morris' In Tune with God. It quite formative because it raise my expectations about worship and music in particular. You can download a copy from here or you can listen to podcast versions (I haven't check these) here. The subtitle The Quest for Music Miracles gives a lot away. It is a study into the spiritual, the metaphysical, the supernatural, or miraculous side of worship. My lasting memory are the accounts of jubilation, the phenomenon where the singing moves beyond the sum total of the individuals singing, where supposedly the angels of heaven join in. In my current clear up I rediscovered my printed out copy and deciding to dispose of the individual printed sheets instead I found versions on the internet to store on my hard drive.

I believe I have had experiences of jubilation a number of times in my life. While they are thrilling and as a musician and worship thinker I am fascinated by the phenomenon, they are only somethings and experiences. Ultimately Christian spirituality is about falling in love with someone.

Fixing stuff but it's only repaired

Iris, one of the internationals I work with, broke her glasses. She uses contacts but uses the glasses at home. It would be crazy to buy a new pair so soon so I decided to try and fix them. There are a lot of problems given that it was the nose piece. In the end I drilled 2 very fine holes and stitched them together with copper wire. With hindsight I should have used steel wire. Anyhow the threads weren' strong enough by themselves even with epoxy. So I had to make an epoxy putty shell or cast to bridge the gap. Not a beautiful repair, but no worse than a plaster cast on your arm or leg. The trouble is the human body repairs itself and so the cast is eventually no longer needed but of course the glasses cannot.

I'm frequently troubled how many people around lack caution assuming or behaving as if things will sort themselves out. The trouble is that we are all accountable in one way or another for action or inaction. In the classic theological formulation the sins of commission and omision. War crimes tribunals do not accept the fact that "I was only following orders" as an adequate excuse. As I understand it every Israeli soldier is capable to assuming command as and when required to do so. There's a whole lot of stuff in this world that can be repaired but never really fixed. The damage has been done! Eeverything thereafter is a patched repair, something put together.

Effects,prayer, wishes

You wonder whether you have an effect. Whether anything you say has an effect. Two weeks ago I filled in one of those surveys having bought something from Shoppers Drug Mart. I noted that I couldn’t find my favourite toasted coconut marshmallows snacks and I also said something about looking for special sale items.

Guess what last week there they were on sale, a rack full of them by the cash desks. Did my comment have an effect? Difficult to say. Lin Yutang, a Chinese philosopher who studied and published in the US has a number of books I read the most well known being the Importance of Living. In it is a chapter called if my memory is correct "Why I am not a Christian." Although from a strongly Christian family the death of his mother had a depe effect on him. While an aunt prayed that it would not rain at the funeral for his mother and it didn't, he could not believe that a God would be interested enought to do such a thing.

Yet Edwrad Lorenz, a weather modeller and father of chaos theory, formulated that complex systems behaviour can be modelled with very simple equations and minor variations can produce wildly varying results. Philip Merilees later concocted Does the flap of a butterfly’s wings in Brazil set off a tornado in Texas? I wonder if we can say that an individual's prayer can be paralleled here. Perhaps it is less a matter of ciritical mass and more about timing and being part of the same connected system?

Clearing up and old jobs

Well I'm still clearing up and tackling old jobs. These 3 chairs I recovered from the garbage probably 5 years ago. The cane in the seats was broken. I can tell you which street and which section of the street I got them. They like many of my other folding chairs are like family. Anyhow I finally bought the materials, researched on the internet the relevant information and started the first. I made a few mistakes on the first and broke a few strands. On the second I broke fewer strands however number three I broke none. I discovered that you have to push the strands of cane towards the slot and then downwards. Important information not covered in anything I'd read before.

There is no substitute for experience: Whether practical skills of repairing chairs or the spiritual life. I know my understanding comes from the practice, from the struggles and from rising above the difficulties. At the moment I have to make clearing up a spiritual discipline because the disorder is affecting my own mental, emotional and spiritual state.

String together

I happened on Dr Draw a band with a pretty unusual line up. Dr [Eugene] Draw an electric violin player together with a 5 string celloplayer, elctric harpist, keyboard, electric guitar, bass and drums. They play a fascinating fusion of classical, rock and jazz. Sometimes being in the right place at the right time and that day at the Taste of the Danforth I caught their afternoon stripped down and punkesque set and later in the rain in the evening a more gentler version.

Check out my music blog for a short clip I got with my little digital camera.

The Heart of Mentoring - Book review

The Heart of Mentoring: Ten Proven Principles for Developing People to Their Fullest Potential, by David A. Stoddard with Robert Tamasy

Navpress is a great publisher of books on discipleship and mentoring and I learned mentoring through Navigator’s own Paul D. Stanley co-writing ‘Connecting ‘with J. Robert Clinton and Regent College’s founder, James Houston’s ‘The Mentored Life. All published by Navpress.. Initially I confess some disappointment reading this new book, finding it a substantially lighter read. Perhaps the simplicity of the main idea that mentoring is essentially founded in meaningful relationship and the subtext that there is no difference between discipling and mentoring, is my problem. Reading the back cover and internal commendations from US corporate leaders and the extensive reference to the Harvard Business Review and FORTUNE magazine, revealed that this book is not written for me, someone in the academic arena, to read. This book is written for the corporate business person to encourage them to take their faith seriously beyond the churches doors and into the work and home environments. The message is Go out and make a difference.

There are plenty of stories from the corporate career journey; many examples and situations to resonate with. It tries to resist the “how to” approach of a method rather introducing what Christians would call fellowship into mentoring. If you want the theory read Houston’s book, the different models read Stanley’s, if you want the motivational talk then read this book by Stoddard.

Feeling settled

You have riches and freedom here [in the West], but I feel no sense of faith or direction. You have so many computers, why don't you use them in the search for love? Lech Walesa (leader of Poland's anti-communist movement in the 1980s)

Feeling comfortable can lead easily to complacency. Summer is the season of fresh fruit and exotic tasty fruits. I transition from dried to fresh but there are some that are large and tasteless. These have been forced, picked early and ripened en route. Our lives are often tasteless and full of stuff without meaning or shape. It was Augustine who said in his autobiography that he was restless until he found his rest in God. Perhaps we need to maintain a pilgrim-on-a-journey stance right through our lives.

In Allport's work, a psychologist of religion, the idea of an intrinsic and extrinsic faith was developed. The latter is a faith grounded in practices attending church, Bible studies etc. The former, rooted in internal values and motivation. Followers have developed a further category of quest where seemingly this dimension is a contributor to significant maturity. We get stuck and often in the extrinsic place. We sound and look right but there is no interior transformation.

This last weekend I was speaking at a church conference about the dangers of our current image culture it's shallowness and meaninglessness. We are so focussed on being noticed and recognized and looking right. This has been a shift from our idol culture which placed money, sex, and power as gods to be worshiped. I wondered if we need to think of ourselves as icons either as windows to God or representations of God. if we are are open and willing we can truly be God's artworks.

Another try at clearing up

Well. What can I say? return from speaking at a church retreat on Romans 12 and now I need to try and tackle the home again. Why is there some much junk mail? I have so much paper which goes straight into the recycling bin at the front door and still my place is full!

The Getting Things Done (GTD) empire talks about have a central point bin/box or trays where everything ends up. I suspect that is the beginning of the problem and I just don't have that. I need to work on that before anything else except I have no space to generate that gathering point!

Still I've decided to continue the slow move to digitize large portions of my world. The slow ripping of CD's onto my hard drive and boxing up the CD's which have occupied a large amount of space around the apartment. Today I boxed up songbooks that I not longer use. But I have to be far more drastic soon.

I'm still struggling a but but the lead balloon of SAD isn't really there at the moment. Just the energy to keep at things until everything is tidied up. God give me strength and courage to deal with all this stuff.

Got to get more stuff out of the front door. Yet biking home yesterday I saw 4 bikes in the garbage. One folding one made it home with me because the frame is in better condition than 2 other frames I have. Now I have to decide how to consolidate the bits and make another good bike before getting rid of the excess parts.

Friends Reunited

Encouragment comes in many different ways. I'm on the website Friends Reunited and got an email recently from my past, in the region of 27-30 years ago. That's really the past! Keith from my Cru days. I knew him as a 12 year old and I was one of his youth leaders.

Sometimes you never know whether you made a difference or not but to find out he has remained in the faith and serving in leadership is a breath of fresh cool air. I've been reading a book on mentoring and will be posting a book review here soon. One of the things the book raises about mentoring and working with young people is the issue of legacy. Do we leave no trace? Ascribing to the idea of negative ecological footprint no-one ever knew you were there or do we leave legacies.

Several of my recent internationals have struggled intensely but I am genuinely touched when one said "I don't know God but I know you!" and another "[God] sent me you. It means that he haven't abandon me yet."