labels - help or hinder

I've nearly completed the sift, sort and dispose sequence in the my CD collection there are over 120 CD in the dispose. Just people I'm never really going to listen to yet in my keep boxes are close to 300 CDs, excluding the 100 or so still on shelves. I started trying to make up playlists so that I can categorize them for playing and reasons for playing. Trying work out what category to file some of my stuff is really difficult. I got scared when I found some of my stuff was described as shoegaze! Is that a musical style? I'm happier with the label of postrock but what does it really mean.

I have bands such as Sigur Rós, Labradford, Japancakes, Channel Light Vessel etc. They are a rock version (or postrock version) of Philip Glass a classical minimalist composer. The music is extremely repetitive with slight variation and modulations. It is these changes which create the interest as the patterns change and morph. Add to the fact the speeds are slower and there is a lot of reverb to create a huge ambiance, we are talking about a genre nesting between chill, minimalism and meditation.

The Bible talks about vain repetition in praying and perhaps this also applies to worship but the issue is this. Whether the nuanced changes and variations create something which rather than being vain is a gentle route lifting us to the ecstatic moment where everything disappears and God is God. The liturgical chants of the Orthodox churches and liturgical monasticism especially made popular in Taizé provides this. I remember a teenager saying once of her first Taizé worship experience, who needs drugs, when there is this experience.

But there is a dark side. Friday I was reading about the Danger Mouse/SparkleHorse project Dark Night of The Soul. I've been aware of Danger Mouse in looking at concepts of copyright in the remix culture and the "Grey Album" a remix of the Beatles White Album and the Jay-Z's Black Album. He is part of the better known Gnarls Barkley.

Well Dark Night was first delayed by legal wrangles but deeply marred by the suicides of co-creator Mark Linkous/Sparklehorse and contributor Vic Chesnutt. This recent album carries some heavy baggage which I hope to listen to soon. I wonder about whether a heavenward moment and a hellish moment are possible. Of course I think yes. In my sorting I had to decide whether to keep The Tear Garden's To Be An Angel Blind, The Crippled Soul Divide. I kept it because it is an authentic reflection of one side of human emotions, the darker side.

A Gift

I got a parcel from Korea. In it was a book of Sting's poems. NB I said poems and not songs.

Of course they're the lyrics from decades of writing, but reading through the book I was separated from the music to appreciate the beauty of mere words. Sting describes it as being like separating a mannequin from the clothes it is wearing. The dummy is naked and there is a pile of cloth on the floor. The words stripped of their dependence on music are exposed to human examination.

When you're down and they're counting
When your secrets all found out
When your troubles take to mounting
When the map you have leads you to doubt
When there's no information
And the compass turns to nowhere that you know well

Let your soul be your pilot
Let your soul guide you
He'll guide you well

I'm rereading what might a controversial book Dance of the Selves by a transpersonal psychologist within a Jungian understanding of the human personality as both male/logic/animus and female/intuition/anima. Loretta Ferrier basically posits we need both the male and female aspects of us to work together for us to be truly effective and maybe I might use the word healthy. She see that the feminine intuition is the visionary and guide, but unless the masculine logic is there then dreams remain dreams. If there is only the the male aspect then things might be orderly tidy but stale and locked into often unhealthy patterns of living. An interesting book with perhaps some kernels of truth to open ourselves to ourselves, but with some caution and care.

Where does this leave me? Thoughts about what happens in the crises of life. Medieval Christian spirituality adopted a view point from Aristotle, namely knowledge of self was knowledge of God. Here Ferrier offers a guide to better mental/emotional health through knowledge of self and I think is helpful but only when kept in the light of God i.e. illuminated by God. In Christian terms we do not merely need to change and grow in faith but also we need to know something of the old self because the old self will return and cause trouble. Regeneration or sanctification are processes.

Paradox or absurdity

It seems much more healthy to me to accept that two pieces of contradicting information can both some how be true. It removes that default state of distrust, and displaces it with acknowledgement, respect and insight. Frank Chimero On Paradoxes

I've been thinking about a conversation I had on Sunday about how sometimes the world seems random and the choices we make significant and yet we confess God is sovereign and rules over everything. The necessity of paradox to generate mystery other wise things become explainable and the divine reduced to level of human understanding. Religion and of course theology are at the end of the day human constructs and therefore flawed and limited with a certain provisionality. Thus my ideas are always locked in time and subject to change either breakdown like entropy in science or changing and evolving and maturing. Hence the theme of this blog.

I've been reading the Minimal mac which sent me the way of Frank Chimero's blog and an entry called On Paradoxes. He made me think about the relationship between paradox and absurdity.

Often times paradox and absurdity are mistaken for one another. I think there’s a subtle, but important difference. Absurdity is paradox’s immature little brother. Absurdity is spineless. ...Two incongruent things are placed side-by-side. The supposed value is amusement from the randomness. Absurdity often seems a pale imitation of paradox. The Simpsons is paradox. Family Guy is absurdity. ... Paradox has insight, absurdity lacks it. Paradoxes have meaning.

One of the problems of the Enlightenment i.e. Modernist thought, which gave way to facts being scientific and rational, is to reduce the mysterious to the explainable. Sadly religion and theology sometimes ends up here or at least reduces everything to the level of absurdity. Surely paradox opens our minds to mystery and subsequently to wonder. For is not the beginning of wisdom fear of the Lord?

The Minor Third

I think most people recognize that songs and music in the minor key are sadder than the major key. The first though I've had is how often are contemporary worship songs in a minor key. If we go back to the Victorian hymnbooks I can recall easily the presence of these especially in the Easter passion season leading up to Easter Sunday. Just a quick reflection as I've been sorting CDs to keep, Fauré Requiem the transitions between major and minors is startling and emotive. The transition in the last two movements Libera Me, in a minor key in a lower octave, to In Paradisum, in a major key in a high voice, is positively sublime.

The minor third is the clue to understanding sadness. Meagan Curtis of Tufts University has found the minor third progression is not merely a musical thing but occurs in human speech patterns portraying sadness. (At least in American English). So here I return to my old question so why isn't anyone writing worship songs with minor thirds or minor keys and if I've missed them why aren't we using them? Life has its joys and sadness, light and darkness.

More dimensions part 2

Reading appears passive because it takes place in a chair, on a bed, at the beach, in the tub, etc. Reading is action, exercise demanding strength of mind. Amy King Start A Revolution: Read this Book

I came across a longer quotation from Amy King which helped me understand more about the difference between books and film. Reading requires effort "working the imagination in to a sweat and, by default, developing other difficult-to-discuss human attributes like empathy and conscience." I don't think she is denying film or movies can have something to say and stretch our minds but her polemic is to challenge us not to be passive undiscriminating members of the crowd. I suppose her book has to go on my list of to read one day!

When it comes to reading the Bible it is not about learning stories, or being amused, or studying it to collect mere wisdom. Ideally it is about it becoming part of our worldview, developing our imagination and expectations, and changing our character to growing in empathy and conscience. The key is, I think, reading for formation and re-formation, rather than merely reading for information to be extracted.

Gifts and choices

Cleverness is a gift, kindness is a choice. Gifts are easy -- they're given after all. Choices can be hard. You can seduce yourself with your gifts if you're not careful, and if you do, it'll probably be to the detriment of your choices. Jeff Bezos founder of Amazon.com

Jeff Bezos speaking at this year's Princeton graduation told the story of a car journey with his grandparents and what happened when he said something smart but not sensitive about his grandmother's smoking. Pulled aside by his grandfather he was give a simple wisdom. "Jeff, one day you'll understand that it's harder to be kind than clever."

Bezos gave up a good job in a financial firm to found Amazon and he admitted ... "it really was a difficult choice, but ultimately, I decided I had to give it a shot. I didn't think I'd regret trying and failing. And I suspected I would always be haunted by a decision to not try at all."

I'm challenged by what Bezos says and by the strange connections he makes. He doesn't major on the kindness as a choice but the deeper key of choices. Being kind for him is not a gift but a choice, perhaps because being kind involves choices about the things you have and have been given. For a good part of my life I have been taking the path of least resistance or at least desiring that. Now I find perhaps rather than going with the flow I need to step out even more in faith, having the courage of my convictions. Bezos claims "We are the choices we make." I'm beginning to think he is right. My choice to leave the civil service quit a secure job, my choice to leave the UK, my choice leave friends and family behind has made me who I am here and now.

I'm living through a time in my life where I'm forced not to go with the flow but to make clear and deliberate decisions about my attitudes and values, about my health and lifestyle, about the very core of who I am, my identity. These choices will shape who I am in the future, for better or worse. I am not what I have, nor what I do but the choices I make. Perhaps to love perhaps the care or to be kind.

more dimensions

There is something about the written word which seems to have more dimensions or perhaps more angles than film. I suspect it is something about the narrative structure of film which restricts things. I've just finished reading Nick Hornby's About a Boy. I watched the film of the same name starring Hugh Grant months ago and Iris left the book behind. I started yesterday afternoon and finished it off this evening. Actually I read 90 percent this evening.

The storyline is basically the same but there are different scenes appearing and disappearing when comparing book and film. But somehow Nick Hornby in his writing, and the book facilitates this better, allows us to get inside the heads of his characters and find something authentically real. One moment of ironic tension found in the book where Marcus' mother in her confusion to have Will stop his involvement then says "You can't just shut life out, you know." Will's counter argument in his narration to us is " She was wrong, he was almost positive. You could shut life out. If you didn't answer the door to it, how was it going to get in?"

The trouble is life does creep in. In the back door, through a crack in the window, via the letter box in the door, life and it's power to confront gets inside. Unless of course you are truly hermetically sealed, divorced from others, merely living a second-hand existence.

Cross platform universal application

My old iMac is holding up pretty well at the moment though I'm stuck at OSX Tiger. In my urge to simplify I have adopted Notational Velocity (NV) as a very simple note-taking and organizing program. It works well and keeps things far less cluttered but everything was locked to my desktop. Now I discover NV synchronizes with Simplenote, a web-storage and iPod touch/iPhone app.( something I hope for later). For now I have my netbook for traveling and taking notes etc on the move. The beauty is that there is a Windows program Resophnotes which also syncs with Simplenote. Guess what I seem to have seamless syncing between my different computer platforms with the option of of adding the iPod Touch later and yes it works.

Recently I had to think hard and refine my thoughts on truth. Pilate asked Jesus "What is truth?" This remains a very relevant question in an era where everyone seems or claims that whatever is true for me is OK and at the sametime will lay claim to universal human rights. In a time in history where much of philosophy argues against universals and universal truth, so many people are also arguing for their rights in a manner that assumes a universal understanding! Here it seems to me is the dilemma. The tension whether somehow we can validate something as true. Pilate made an assertion and Jesus asked whether it was his idea? Pilate tries to defend himself and we can see the following discussion between Jesus and Pilate as a discussion about truth or authenticity.

Andrew Potter has written a book called The Authenticity Hoax of which I've read a small part so far. In it he makes a valuable distinction: Authenticity as provenence, something with history, a track record; Authenticity as artistic expression; and Authenticity as something we want. I think the last is very interesting because it suggest a certain hunger, need. or desire for authenticity or truth. Of course I have equated these two words as similar or as being related. I'm still not sure but at this moment it seem that truth and perhaps authenticity are validated within human experience even though they might be universals. Provenance is important both logical and intuitive assessment are possible but somehow more important and more interesting is the human need for authentic things with our existence, I wonder if this is a life with meaning, something we can trust in or have faith in.

culture clash

I've been clearing and sorting my CDs and there are 45 CD's in my current get rid of pile (and it's still growing). There's everything Jazz, rock, pop, dance, R&B, folk etc. I've also working on new playlists on iTunes for the 1960's, 70's, 80's and 90's. Tracks that I remember and remind me of things. The biggest at the moment is the 1980's currently 83 tracks and the 70's are 54. The other periods are still small as I sort out my memories and find out what is missing for me.

But as I review all this stuff that I acquired, picked up etc I came across a little gem a fusion CD Sacred Spirit II Culture Clash. Mixing cello blues and electronica, it's a fascinating blend. I've probably had the CD for 5-7 years and never listened to it. (If you want hear a sample I've posted a link to a youtube video on my other blog here.) John Lee Hooker, the blues musician is part of the mix but sadly the cellist is not named.

There are many memories that we have not listened to, like this Sacred Spirit CD. My current situation means that because my life is on pause and I am examining memories and my reactions and this means learning and perhaps even choosing now an alternative response to situations in the past. This all means I hope and pray a healthier future.

I will continue the CD sorting and compiling my playlists and I suspect also doing that with my life's memories.

Health and health

What a day! I've been to my counsellor, to my doctor, to my chiropractor and to my regular pharmacist. The only people I didn't see today were my dentist and spiritual director!

I really do feel that I am moving to really good health. My counsellor is pleased with progress with the insights I have gained and expressed and I'm encouraged how much more at peace I feel nowadays, even though the future is still very unclear. My doctor is very pleased my bad cholesterol has dropped from 6.7 to 2.1 with the medication and changes in lifestyle and diet. My risk of a heart attack has dropped from 30 percent to 6 percent. Of course that doesn't include the other factors I've been working on in my lifestyle. According to what I've heard, walking for 30 minutes a day can slash the risk of a heart attack by 30 to 40 percent! I'm also eating a small quantity of almonds almost every day because a study suggested a handful five times a week cut the risk of heart attack in half! I am self consciously eating a variety of fish with omega 5 and 3 as well.

In fact you should have seen the graphs of my HDL, LDL and triglyceride levels all were at a 45 degree slope, downwards! I picked up my prescriptions, Crestor and baby aspirin, from the pharmacist feeling very encouraged. The aspirin is reputed to reduced the risk of a heart attack by 32 percent though increase stroke risks! My blood pressure is still a bit on the high side and also iron also. My ultrasound results have recommended I should have a CAT scan of my adrenal glands, so the exam continues.

My chiropractic appointment was more maintenance. I had a little back pain over the weekend but with exercises and the recovery was pretty quick. I'm also trying to brush my teeth twice a day and floss regularly because it is suggested that periodontal disease is linked to coronary artery disease or atherosclerosis, a narrowing of the arteries caused by deposits of fat and plaque onto the arteryl walls.

Health comes on many levels, physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual. They all overlap and infact there is also the social which we discussed today as well. Of course there is the question Will I obtain ultimate health? To which the answer is no but at least then I will have done what is living responsibly, living as a good steward of all that I am and therefore living in the spirit of Shalom - peace.

Note a video posting

I've posted a video on my other blog. It's beautiful piece from Julian LLoyd Webber. (here)

Message in a Bottle

Walked out this morning, don't believe what I saw, Hundred billion bottles washed up on the shore, Seems I'm not alone in being alone, Hundred billion castaways, looking for a home. Sting

Karen Liebreich wrote a book called The Letter in the Bottle which was about her unsuccessful search for the mother who wrote a heart-rending letter found washed up in a bottle off the Kent coast. Karen tried every route possible to track down the author and got all the science and pseudoscience she could. I came across the story in The Daily Telegraph because after the book was published, the woman who had written the sad letter to her deceased son came forward. It had taken her 21 years to face down the grief of loss and throwing his clothes into the ocean, together with 2 lilies and the bottle with the letter.

Liebreich gives us details of this woman's story:

The bottle was my idea. I already knew that I needed to do something to let him go and I had thought of a letter in a bottle – why not. The whole thing was triggered by a dream, the dream that I mentioned in the letter. I had a beautiful dream about Maurice and I finally understood that it was time to let him go.

The past haunts and handicaps us. Then it is time to let go and move forwards when we understand.

I'm not Catholic, though my family was. And of course I was very angry with Him. There is some kind of superior energy, a cosmic force, and I was furious with Him. Today I am once again happy to be alive...

We all have unfinished business because we are works in progress. Somehow I feel this particular work in progress has begun a signficant time of letting go. A letting go of pain and therefore a chance to gain. I have a feeling of release these days and somehow after what seems a long time can can say I'm happy to be alive.
(If you're interested in the article it's here)