rehabilitation

Carlin turned up at my table at lunch on Sunday and dropped two slim books down in such a way as to impress me: Jürgen Moltmann's Experiences of God and Karl Barth on prayer. I was impressed. I haven't had an opportunity to read Moltmann and in 15 minutes I got quickly through 30 some pages before my friend's return. I found this beautiful quote on page 29.

"Faith does not mean registering a fact called 'the resurrection'. Faith means experiencing the creative power of God, who makes the impossible reality."

Wednesday over lunch, a pastor asked me about a book I'd read recently which was significant. Without hesitation I said Velvet Elvis by Rob Bell. I think he says many things I agree with, in fact I can't find anything I radically disagreed with him. Somehow he asserts what I've been thinking about for a few years now. We agreed even to the point where he says

"Test it Probe it... Do that to this book. Don't swallow it uncritically. Think about it. Wrestle with it. Just because I'm a Christian and I'm trying to articulate a Christian worldview doesn't mean I've got it nailed. ... God has spoken and the rest is commentary, right?"

I have great difficulties here because I agree with him because I had the same conclusions before I read the book. He and I are working out of the same paradigm.

"Oftentimes the Christian community has sent the message that we love people and build relationships in order to convert them ... so there is an agenda. And when there is an agenda, it isn't really love is it? It's something else. We have to rediscover love, period. Love that loves because it is what Jesus teaches us to do. We have to surrender our agendas."

We're not talking rocket science here. We talking straightforward honesty. Getting our motivations and reasons in order. The same issues of whether you merely talk the talk or if you’re going to talk the talk, you’ve got to walk the walk to make authentic and real. Moltmann reminds us that it is God who can make this happen and not us! God make the impossible real. Get your head around Velvet Elvis ASAP.

Re-ordering

This week seemed to be empty and yet I'm busy. Tidying up and organizing and trying desperately to have a system to complete things. I gave up and recognized I still have continuous partial attention issues (read original posting here) I've noticed that as soon as I open my email account I forget the things I needed to do or get done. Now I realized I need find a way of keeping some focus. Its like my going to the kitchen and not remembering why I went there so opening the fridge and looking inside became my reflex action.

Well after some thinking I needed a to-do-list. OK I hear you say get a piece of paper and a pencil. I tried that and using my daytimer and it doesn't work for me anymore. I realized I couldn't use ical on my Mac because I didn't want to entries to be date dependent, but I still wanted it loaded into my ipod. Some research and examining and trying out a few different programs, I have decided on a program called Checkoff. It's simple and sits in the menu bar but can be locked open. You can color code items and group them and it syncs with an ipod seamlessly. As I have an idea or a spare moment I jump and update it. Here I also consolidated my email accounts and tidied up my inbox and removed confusing email addresses and made sure I got rid of out of date stuff.

I've also returned to one of my internet devotion sites to bring more focus. It's a Catholic Jesuit site with a very helpful guided meditation each day. (here if you're interested). It's grounded in a gospel meditation reflecting about what God has to say to us out of the passage.

Also I've been examining the practice of the novena, which is a focused 9 days of prayer for a specific grace from God. It seems again a very helpful practice to bring focus to my life. Unfortunately there are many novenas to Mary and saints which are unacceptable theologically for me but I've found a very helpful one to the Holy Spirit. (here)

Now I have to continue the discipline of washing dishes and clothes and trying to start to practice the cello everyday. I have started emptying the fridge of out of date and other stuff especially stuff from before Christmas. And yet I have met up with students and pastors and had significant conversations and written a short guide to why blogs are helpful and important. And now I am finding peace again, shalom and I feel that I am functioning as I should with a greater sense of God.

Freedom Attracts

When you are interiorly free you call others to freedom, whether you know it or not. Freedom attracts wherever it appears. A free man or a free woman creates a space where others feel safe and want to dwell. Our world is so full of conditions, demands, requirements, and obligations that we often wonder what is expected of us. But when we meet a truly free person, there are no expectations, only an invitation to reach into ourselves and discover there our own freedom. ... Where true inner freedom is, there is God. And where God is, there we want to be. Henri Nouwen Bread for the Journey

In my own struggles I don't feel free but somehow there is freedom. One international student has consistently asked me why I seem so content. I don't feel it very much but she sees or feels something that she does not have.

This last week I've thought about my trip and also looked forwards. Through ministry meetings and spiritual direction I know I need very much to deal issues of freedom within structure. To my friends this means I've started cleaning and tidying up my physical living space, I still have taxes and other things to deal with. I think freedom has to deal with "freedom to do something" and "freedom for a purpose or person". Put another way in spiritual terms the second includes freedom to act for self but for God's sake, to do things for ourselves because of the love God has for us.

what is prayer?

I had a new moment of understanding something I already knew. Reading this morning I came across this in my daily readings from Heartlight.

Prayer is more than asking. Prayer is more than praising. Prayer is more than thanking. Prayer is more than requesting or interceding or kneeling or humbling ourselves. Prayer is expecting that God wants us there, expecting that God hears us, and expecting that God will meet us in our prayer time and do what is best for us and those we love.

One of my mentorees wrote this passionate comment in her email this week. " that we might live and be truly alive in & through His word...not to escape from reality or to gather facts we'll recycle in the shredder as we leave, but to more fully see reality of our world in His eyes, to know Him and His voice & ENJOY His presence."

The struggle is in our expectations, what God might do, that God might be interested in us and the detritus of our lives. That God might want to be involved, that God might change our vision and way of seeing.

In the morning, O LORD, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation. Psalm 5:3