Surprise and encouragement

I'm still feeling a little empty at the moment after the stress and sleeplessness of International Christmas. This is probably the most difficult New Year so far. But I'm also encouraged by email from Eleanor my god-daughter in England and an update on her life. Also an email from Elaine my ESL tutoree of last year now back in Taiwan, and a surprise phone call from the HK subway from my adopted god-daughter Janice last night.

The rollercoaster of life remains a reality. A new school semester looms and I don't feel ready or adequate for it. I'm in avoidance for somethings that I don't feel confident in and yet assured and ready to face things in other areas. I think I already have the winter blues or the February blahs early this year. Where is the music this year? What or where is the hope for this year?

Not in the building!

I've come across an interview with Sally Morgenthaler and Alex Roxburgh. I posted earlier about her change of attitude and move away from the concept of worship evangelism. (earlier post)

In the interview she says: "woe is me... if we're not crafting worship for those kind of people [like the characters in American Beauty], for humans ... it is not the cataclysmic thing that happens when we truly meet God."

The interview (here) is posted on the Allelon website which claims to be a movement of missional leaders. This week my friend was sharing his intense discomfort with the current catch word missional. I confess I can be just as allergic to the word when it becomes programed and lacking commitment to God. Commitment to program or even church is not what it is about! Sally Morgenthaler has realized it is commitment to people, to neighborhood, to being human, to being planted. The trouble is church is all about place and experience and consumption, however community is about being not in the building but outside it.

My frustration is much the same as Morgenthaler that too many people are living in a Christian subculture literally based in a building and they have no relevance to the world outside. At the ministerial this week I presented the challenge of being salt and light in the world. On salt there are some important ideas from Mike Bechtle's book Evangelism for the rest of us 1/ Salt comes in little pieces 2/ Salt preserves 3/ Salt causes thirst 4/ Salt brings out flavor 5/ Salt in excess is unhealthy - stops growth in plants. I invited them to reflect over these.

You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled by men. You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. Matt 5:13-15

Balancing and letting go

This was one bizarre image I found on a string specialist site from a conference. It has the look and feel of a viking funeral.

I spent 0ver 7 hours yesterday trying to put together a sound track for the International Christmas video. It's tough when the creative juices aren't flowing readily and best clips have extraneous sounds. I've realized how rude some people can be talking while other people are performing and playing their instruments. Sadly the camcorder captures all this extra sound which I had to try and remove or render unintelligible. I tried every trick from noise removal filters, playing two versions at the same time slightly out of phase, to placing sounds over the speaking voices.

I only have 2 weeks to get this video edited in my spare moments and get a whole lot of other things to get completed. There's a lot of balancing to do and I wonder if there are things I have to let go of and move on. Last year I finally realized I wasn't going to build kites again for a longtime and passed my kites onto my godson's family. But there's so much else! As I work with my Auntie Mary preparing her mentally to go home there are many things I have to persuade her that she must begin to clear away to make room for living. This is not just physically but also mentally because we collect stuff unintentionally caught up by our culture. Of course the challenge is for all of us in our cluttered lives which are just over full and over busy.

The Battle within Living

I just want to be living as I'm dying, Just like everybody here, Just want to know my little flicker of time is worthwhile, And I don't know where I'm driving to, But I know I'm getting old And there's a blessing in every moment every mile Vienna Teng - Homecoming (Walter's Song) youtube

I've been listening to some more Vienna Teng and in juxta position with Salvador Dali's image entitled Warrior mounted on an Elephant Overpowering a Cello. Life pierces me and the living continues to be a struggle but yet there is blessing in the moments. It is this that I bring to others in their struggles. Not cheap words , not quick fixes, no papering over pain. Yet I can still sit in the shadow of it all and I can still find a graced moment. Don't we long for more. This reminds me of a story from the Ecclesiastical History of the English People. The Venerable Bede records an account of an allegory told to a pagan king to explain the transitory nature of life:

The present life of man, O King, seems to be, in comparison with that time which is unknown to us, like the swift flight of a sparrow through the room wherein You sit at supper in winter, with your commanders and ministers, and a good fire in the midst, whilst the storms of rain and snow prevail abroad; the sparrow, I say, flying in at one door, and immediately out at another, whilst he is within, is safe from the wintry storm; but after a short space of fair weather, he immediately vanishes out of your sight, into the dark winter from which he had emerged. So this life of man appears for a short space, but of what went before, or what is to follow, we are entirely ignorant. If, therefore, this new doctrine contains something more certain, it seems justly to deserve to be followed.

Life can seem transitory and short lived, but at many moments interminably long. Nights without sleep endless. Nights alone...

Well the night eats up my body heat, And there's no sign of another, And I find myself slipping down into that black, But things are good I've got a lot of followers of my faith, I've got a whole congregation living in my head these days, And I'm preaching from the pulpit, To cries of "Amen brother", Closing my eyes to feel the warmth come back Vienna Teng - Homecoming (Walter's Song) lyrics

From the The Cloud of Unknowing which I read quite a few years ago,

My thoughts cannot comprehend Divinity, and so I prefer to abandon all I can know, choosing rather to love even that which I cannot know.

Let loving desire, gracious and devout, step bravely and joyfully beyond and reach out to pierce the darkness. Yes, beat upon that thick cloud of unknowing with the dart of your loving desire and do not cease come what may."

La ténèbre n'est point ténèbre devant Toi. La nuit comme le jour est lumière. Ps 139

The Atheist Christmas Carol

I've just come across Vienna Teng a beautiful voice. Is this really an atheist Christmas carol? You judge!



It's the season of grace coming out of the void
Where a man is saved by a voice in the distance
It's the season of possible miracle cures
Where hope is currency and death is not the last unknown
Where time begins to fade
And age is welcome home

It's the season of eyes meeting over the noise
And holding fast with sharp realization
It's the season of cold making warmth a divine intervention
You are safe here you know now

Don't forget
Don't forget I love
I love
I love you

It's the season of scars and of wounds in the heart
Of feeling the full weight of our burdens
It's the season of bowing our heads in the wind
And knowing we are not alone in fear
Not alone in the dark

A New Year

Its 2008 and the calendar has rolled over.

I've been watching an anime series called Mushshi 蟲師. The story features primordial creatures called Mushi that interact with the physical world but with supra-natural powers or influence. They are described as creatures so basic as to be in touch with the essence of life. Most human beings are unable to see the Mushi and dont' know they exist. But there are a few who possess the ability to see and interact with theme. One person is Ginko (ギンコ?), the main character of the series. He employs himself as a Mushi master (蟲師 mushi-shi), travelling from place to place to study them and help people with problems because of them. Ginko is distinct because he has only one eye working and it is green and his hair is absoutely white because of his encounters with the Mushi. (more info here)

I am interested by this series because there is a dimension of life that extends beyond what we can see. There is also very much a message of living in the moment and responding with wisdom in a situation. There are ethical situations and dilemmas exposed. Like Kino's Journey, it is very episodic and is very much a thinking person's anime. It is very embedded in the travel motif and the art work is very mysterious or mystical. The Mushi always affect intially one person and impinge on their reality BUT this spreads ultimately through the community.

At the moment I've been doing a lot of thinking about the source of life, given that I've found the need for solitude recently and I've been reading about evangelism from the introvert's perspective, I'm coming round to wonder how important or core the social aspect of life is to spiritual growth. It seems everything resolved down to the intrinsic I-Eternal Thou relationship that Martin Buber proposes. Or as CS Lewis put is " I believe that the Sun has risen, not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else."

Is this merely an issue of introverts vs extroverts? Or is it fundamentally that the personal-divine relationship should define all other relationships? I am beginning to believe that while being an extrovert or introvert can make a difference, fundamentally we start with the interior life and our individual relationship with God. As I've already posted about this Music is an art and spirituality is also an art rather than an science. There are some technical skills to be learnt but it is more about commitment to the relationship.

Cold Fairyland

This is part of Cold Fairyland in Shanghai. (Myspace here)

I have a great interest in fusion music especially where it seeks for a true integration of style. I'm not a fan of the "12 girl band " perhaps because I don't see a real authenticity or true integrity of the music styles or traditions.

However Cold Fairyland who have captured my ears, bring lyrical beauty and authenticity for their music. Of course I'm biased cos I like cello integration and alternative. Their last cd Seeds on the Ground is very reflective. Listen to Dead Children in Newspaper at their myspace website I think you'll find something odd and strangely attractive.

How I wish this were the true nature of worship music for the church, something mysterious and serious, something closer to reality, an awesome God in the truest sense of the word.

The Temptation of St Anthony

I have discovered that Dali's painting and others were painted as part of a competition!

Max Ernst was in fact the $3,000 prizewinner in this "Temptation of St. Anthony" contest. The sponsors of the contest appear to have been a movie company and they persuaded 12 artists to paint what they thought St. Anthony saw. This winning picture was used in a movie, Bel Ami or The History of a Scoundrel and strangely had nothing to do with St. Anthony. Runners-up included Belgian Paul Delvaux; Ivan Le Lorraine Albright; and of course Salvador Dali.

There is a long history of paintings on this subject and the monsterbrains blog has excellent information and links. (here) I've always had an interest in St Anthony/Antony not just because he is my namesake but I suspect because of his asceticism. As an introvert, solitude is something I desire and yet it is the deepest battle requiring great exertion of will. They say the closer you get to God the more you are target for the Devil and temptations. Wikipedia has a nice summary of Athanasius' biography. (here)