We're not singing anymore

Well if we are deconstructing worship as singing then maybe it looks like it is a flawed activity for a number of reasons. But what is our choice going forward… no music? alternative worship? reframing worship? Paul Mayers

Jason Clarks blog is one I try and keep up with over at Deep Church. Unusually we share common elements in our theological development and perhaps it is not surprising when I come across similar ideas. This time Paul Mayer's examination of assumptions nails it for me.

a. worship is about life not just singing?
b. is singing anyway a missonal activity?
c. too much intimacy is a turn off over time?
d. worship is an activity which the few do to the many - and that is a bad thing?
e. exclusion/consumerism/entertainment is rife within the model?
f. other forms of worship/connection to God are equally (if not more) valid?
g. equality/equal participation or at least no one telling me what to do is a better model for church/life?

Does this sound familiar? Several other points are there that I've been gasping about for years now. People get most of their theology from what they sing. Unfortunately a speedy analysis of the repertoire of many churches and their songs' theological depth leaves me standing in a puddle of melting snow. "If indeed we are formed by what we sing maybe we should sing more about mission/justice/creation - about what we long for God to do in our own community/culture/context?" Furthermore people often don't really mean what they sing rather plant their own feelings and meaning on top of the words. I'm living the experience of singing. But it's not about me and my love for God, but us, humans and us together with God in our relationship. Songs must move from the first person, or third person to the second person. We must address or speak to God not about ourselves or about God. What does it really, authentically mean to sing "Christ be the centre" "Jesus be the centre"? You, O Lord are the centre?

The worship leader is not a performer, rather either prophet or priest. He or she speaks for God or for the people BUT not merely for themselves! Worship should express both transcendent and immanent aspects of the human-divine relationship through the two roles.

My greatest joys used to be in leading worship and finding myself and a church understanding intimately the deep nature of God. Now that is in hearing and seeing the finding of God in the lives of my spiritual directees. My greatest frustrations remain people far from God.

But the LORD God called to the man, "Where are you?" He answered, "I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid." Gen 3:9-10

comfortable asleep in bed

I hate it that I don't hear about important global news. This country's news service is so parochial that it sometimes takes a miracle. All I've heard today is that homes will be charged more for the garbage we create! And we worry about the recession from down south affecting us. But this world is connected - we are connected if we feel it important enough. My friend adopted the Beeja people in sub-Saharan Africa and has endeavoured to learn everything he can about their history and world.

I have deep connections to Rwanda. A dear friend, Lesley, lost her husband in the genocide and she was out of the country on coast. His body never found. When the news finally filtered out I was shocked. Years later watching Hotel Rwanda I was touched but watching British documentaries made me realize about real brutality and violence unrestrained even within the Christian church. I cried reading Lesley's book about her own journey of loss. Lt.-Gen. Roméo Dallaire, commander of the United Nations Mission for Rwanda (UNAMIR) during the genocide, was broken by his experience. he wrote a book and said this.

I know there is a God because in Rwanda I shook hands with the devil. I have seen him, I have smelled him and I have touched him. I know the devil exists, and therefore I know there is a God.

Rwanda is somewhere I am sensitive to. Half an hour ago I found out there was an earthquake in Rwanda on Sunday. A smallish one around magnitude 5 and significant numbers attending church were killed because the buildings collapsed. I read that government official will be examining whether they were constructed appropriately.

But what touched me was another friend Chrissie in Rwanda, who emailed news out as she took relief supplied to Nkombo, an island in the affected area.

On arrival we walked 6 km around the island, seeing the problems for our selves, and giving out clothes, soap and other essential items ( most we already had in our containers and so we were able to take 10 large bags with us / as much as the canoe could hold ) Nearly all the homes made from wooden struts and mud have fallen or a wall has fallen

One old man really touched me . His home was missing the front and the roof blown off ...his bed was still were it should have been but covered in rubble .... another widow led me to her home, now a pile of bricks on the floor. Her 6 year old daughter took hold of my hand and we walked around the island together , her holding with a vice like grip!

We're too often comfortable and asleep in our beds. We deny even the reality outside our front door. There are those without beds to sleep in here and there.

Foxes have holes and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head. Luke 9:58

Too close for comfort

There is a classic photo by Man Ray from 1924 which is very similar to this drawing, but strangely this is less sensual than the photo. Perhaps its because of the angular character and it being a drawing and yet it is closer to my realities. Yet I am attracted to it. A few years ago on one of the forums about cellos we discussed whether our cellos had names and gender. In fact very early in my posts here I found my electric cello was an "it" and my acoustic cello was a "she" but without a name.

This last week in so many aspects of my life, listening as a spiritual director, conversing as a student campus worker, attending meetings, and sitting with pastors in a ministerial, I realize there is fear. We say we want to know God, we say we want to be closer to God but there is a right and safe distance. This distance includes maintaining my control of everything. I learned this week from a speaker that fear is the best way to raise money and increase donations, and that it is a very unhealthy approach and perhaps even dishonest! But fear also keeps us from depending on God. Much of religious structures and programing are expressions of that fear of a God too close, who asks for dependency, who asks for all of us.

There are so many dangers in second-hand faith. We can avoid getting really close to God by supposedly getting together with others. Faith has to be first-hand. The communal aspect is important as encouragement and exhortation (especially if you are an extrovert) but it remains a personal relationship with God.

A cello cannot make sound by itself. If there is music played around it, it can resonate picking out the frequencies and ring sympathetically, but it is not making sound. A cello cannot play itself, it can only play music when it has a cellist, a musician, a player.

Indeed, to them you are nothing more than one who sings love songs with a beautiful voice and plays an instrument well, for they hear your words but do not put them into practice. Ez 33:32

I don't fit!

I've been checking my ergonomic ratios against my workstations against this calibrated position for my height and discovered my legs are too short for my height so my seat height is wrong when set against this standard. Of course I probably am the worst person to measure against the norms or standards of the US army!

What can I say? I've had a full day listening to God and helping people to find God in their lives. It has been busy but satisfying. I have received life affirming satisfaction of being in the right place, being the right person. Two students said a couple of weekends ago that they envied me because I seem to be satisfied with where I am. I'm not sure I really am satisfied but I have a sense of assurance, and can embrace that I fit with where I am now, being and doing what I am. But also I am dissatisfied with where I am and and who I am and what I do because I am a long way from who I am called to be. We live that tension of the not yet but stuck in the now.

I was reading Sunday an alternative translation of Psalm 23 - You lead me down the right path, the path that unwinds in the pattern of your name. It is a very free translation and extremely beautiful poetic expression of our and my life. I wrote in response "When I choose to wander from this path, I am lost in my own self-centredness, self-needs and desires." God keep me close.

cold rationalism and deep emotions

I'm taking a course in critical thinking and theological reflection and at times I get really frustrated, because I'm more a post-modern than modernist even though my basic analytical skills are quite reasonable. Emotions and passions are important and should be part of the evaluative process. Yet when I help people to write essays and it's important to conform to an academic standard but I'm getting to a point I don't like it. Feelings as intuitive process of judgment also has its place.

I really feel tonight that Feeling is more important than thinking anymore. Tonight I started watching a Taiwanese TV drama series called The Rose, I came across it because of a song by 阿桑 [Ah Sang] - 葉子 [The Leaf]. The music video (watch it here) was quite beautiful and immensely sad and it made me curious about where it came from. That started me on a pursuit which identified the TV drama and then the Taiwanese group S.H.E. and in fact all 3 members appear in the show and Ella Chen (E of S.H.E. ) takes a starring role. The Rose is a Taiwanese version of a Japanese Manga and its a wet tissue story of Cinderella. In fact after the first episode I'd already cried three times for the heroine. But for now the closing credits song Ah Sang's Ye Zi - The Leaf

A leaf, is a wing that does not know how to fly.
A wing: is a leaf that’s fallen into the sky.
Heaven, it wasn’t supposed to be a dream.
It’s just that I’ve forgotten a long time ago how I flew.
Loneliness is one person’s desire.
Desire is a group’s loneliness.
Love’s beginning was companionship.
But I also forgot who it was who needed the companionship.
By myself, I eat, travel, going and stopping everywhere.
And by myself, I read, write, and tell my heart to myself.
But here has my heart drifted to that I can't even see myself clearly?
I think I'm slowly, completely, losing you.

Life is all about a little bit of trust and a whole lot about needing hope. There's quite a bit of Cinderella in all of us.