Captain Corelli and what is love

Iannis: When you fall in love, it is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake, and then it subsides. And when it subsides, you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots are become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the desire to mate every second of the day. It is not lying awake at night imagining that he is kissing every part of your body. No... don't blush. I am telling you some truths. For that is just being in love; which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over, when being in love has burned away. Doesn't sound very exciting, does it? But it is! from Captain Corelli's Mandolin

My god-daughter's wedding service had this quotation read out and I am still flying around the quotation because it has caught me like a light to a moth. For love needs to endure to the end but what is that love that endures. As I pray for my god-daughter in her marriage and remember others in their's, and others struggling, and others no longer in marriage.

Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails...But now faith, hope, love, abide these three; but the greatest of these is love. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7,13

late posting Lunar New Year and Valentine's Day

I made this for Valentine's Day but presented in a Chinese red packet for Chinese New Year which is in fact the Asian Lunar New Year. I started work over Christmas conceiving of the shape and design but it changed as I responded to the stone itself. Out of the two hearts, you can now see a another in the centre formed from the two. This emerged as I shaped the rough form. Mostly this happened in the 2 days before Valentine's Day. The pressure was on and yet something new emerged. There is a third heart in our relationship as God seems to constantly be in the centre drawing us closer to himself.

Almost 2 months later as I reflect how the journey has been. My absences from the city, both back home, across provinces and across province and showed me that the saying "Absence makes the heart grow fonder" is true. I am even more sentimental and yet tonight soaking in the bath I remembered another quote. "Tis better to have loved than to not have never loved at all" from Alfred Lord Tennyson. I am glad we met whatever happens from now on. Still praying and living in the hope of a future together.

professional success and the cost

Would you exchange a tremendous professional triumph for a severe personal blow? Dave Brooks New York Times

Sandra Bullock's success with an Oscar and that great acclaim that it brings is contrasted with her personal life and marital failure. Even larger salaries and endorsements and possibly a longer life as Oscar winners tend to live longer. Getting my hair cut, it was noted I don't have any gray or white hair. When asked I said that I think it's because I don't worry so much especially about the need to make money and have things. A woman in the salon started on about how surely more money means you'll be more happy. Well a few people chipped in. One hair stylist asked if I exercise and meditate, which is what I do. But then I was asked if I was Buddhist. I said No I'm Christian. The conversation died into silence? Why?

Research according to Dave Brooks shows that once the basic necessities have been met then income is only lightly connected to well-being. In fact lottery winners tend not to be happier rather sadder with greater problems. Yet don't we also long for more money? If we apply Maslow's hierarchy of needs to our glasses it is interesting that Brooks says "According to one study, joining a group that meets even just once a month produces the same happiness gain as doubling your income. According to another, being married produces a psychic gain equivalent to more than $100,000 a year." The need to belong being met contributes far more than having stuff and possessions and money.

Christians do forget where to lay up their treasures. We need to see the world in a different light. Workaholism and striving for personal success are real, very real. To pursue these has a real cost. The alternative is we all need to enjoy the present moment and the little blessings and not lust after the big things.

The other side of life

I'm learning more about the other side of life. Mothers book hotel rooms for their sons and their girl friends so they can sleep together, I suppose. But why? If mother is comfortable with the idea why not at home? Fathers are happy for their sons to sleep with whoever they want, in fact they think it normal. Yesterday while getting my hair cut, two women were talking one recommending a certain young woman to the other's escort agency.

I realized it is possible to be so sheltered that the rest of the world, the rest of life has no reality. How am I to be in the world and not of the world?

The Return

'I’m only one, but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but I can do something, and because I cannot do everything, I will not refuse to do that something I can do'. Helen Keller

Back from my travels in the UK. I'm tired and jetlagged but my spirit is changed by my journey. Absence can bring a deeper understanding of presence and what is important - namely not to worry or be anxious rather to live out today. The mistakes of the past can paralyze and as Martyn Lloyd Jones points out the Sermon on the Mount is not something for some future kingdom, namely the impossible ethic. Rather it is believing in Christ what he said and promised; it is not simply believing on Christ that he is the instrument of salvation. In my preparations for Sunday I have learned much from Lloyd Jones.

Worry is always a failure to grasp and apply our faith. Faith does not work automatically ... Never think of faith as something inside you to work automatically; you have to apply it. .. Your faith will not grow mechanically, you have to attend to it ... you have to dig round and about it, and pay attention to it. Then you will find it will grow.

Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Matthew 6:25

Put Your Life on a Diet:

I live in a home of 140 square feet. ... Most people would say this is an impossible way to live, but the truth is, my transition to a simpler life has made me happier and healthier than I have ever be ... I find I still use about 2,000 square feet of space, just as I did in the past. The difference is that the other 1,860 square feet of living space—my office at work, the gym, the laundromat, restaurants—is not mine to maintain anymore. Gregory Paul Johnson (original here)

The danger of fill out my life physically, mentally, and with any form of activity is very real. Don't we long for simpler and happier and healthier lives. There's a lot of things to consider here. Perhaps we all need to reconsider the scale on which we live and what fills up our lives? I got to find time to reread Sider's Rich Christians in an Age of Hunger and Foster's Freedom of Simplicity. Life is too full of stuff.

100 Skills Everyone Should Master

Mighty Girl (here) produced a list of 100 skills everyone should master

Here's a few from her list I still need work on

3. Care for a baby, 12. Remember names, 24. Ask for exactly what you want, 50. Travel light, 64. Organize your home, 87. Dress to flatter your shape

I wonder what the spiritual skills that require work are. Patience and faith are right up there. Trust and assurance also near the top. But even before this is the need to be dissatified with the way things are and wanting change. The old joke says "How many psychologists does it take to change a lightbulb?" " It doesn't matter what's important is the lightbulb has to want to change!"

Intimacy involves distance

Intimacy between people requires closeness as well as distance. It is like dancing. Sometimes we are very close, touching each other or holding each other; sometimes we move away from each other ... To keep the right balance ... requires hard work ... A perfect balance seldom occurs, but the honest and open search for that balance can give birth to a beautiful dance ... Henri Nouwen Bread for the Journey

They say absence makes the heart grow fonder, in other words being away increases love. Perhaps it would be absence helps love grow stronger. The metaphor of the dance is also good for our relationship with God, but God is not absent rather gives us space to grow, to practice good decision making and exercise good judgment and learn. We need doubt and free will to grow and we need the space to exercise both and the courage to step out into that space.

Allergy proofing

I need to improve my health more and allergy proofing is an issue I was reading a list of things to do the improve the home and guess what I read at Apartment therapy?

4. Focus on your bedroom. This is where you spend the majority of your time at home, and mattresses and pillows naturally develop dust mites over time. ... 5. We all love to read in bed, but bookcases in the bedroom are a no-no for allergy sufferers too, as books gather a ton of dust.

And guess what? I have my library, a ton of books and music in my ... bedroom! The changes in my life look like they will be continuing and fairly drastically. However to get rid of some of the coughing, wheezing, and sneezing would be great.

Persuading or inviting

Before Christmas I went on some training about invitation and recently revisited a book on encouragement. These have forced some thoughts on persuasion and methods.

Dr Robert Cialdini is a scholar in persuasion and marketing. In his work he lists six “weapons of influence”:

• Reciprocation - People tend to want to return a favor.
• Commitment and Consistency - If people make a commitment to something, verbally or in writing, they tend to keep it.
• Social Proof - People will do things when they see other people doing it.
• Authority - Even with uncomfortable action, people will tend to obey authority figures.
• Liking - People are easily persuaded by other people that they like.
• Scarcity - A perceived scarcity will generate demand for something.

Something I found in Neuro-linguistic Programing, which has very similar ends to influence people, was rapport. There seem to be key ways to establish rapport such as mirroring the body position and language of the other person. Similarly this is also done in the verbal language. In matching the other person's model of the world/worldview, and in conversation matching the scale of information being exchanged. if the other person works with large categories or large chunks of information then working on that scale will establish rapport and therefore influence. If the person works on the detailed level or micro chunks, then conversing on the large chunk level will necessarily fail. However get on the right level and rapport being established influence is possible.

The trouble is where does manipulation and brainwashing start and the sharing of a great idea or belief? So when is it inviting, influencing, persuading, or brain washing? Not easy... That's why we need ethics.

One relation and another

Human relationships easily become possessive. Our hearts so much desire to be loved that we are inclined to cling to the person who offers us love, affection, friendship, care, or support. ... It is very hard for love not to become possessive because our hearts look for perfect love and no human being is capable of that. Only God can offer perfect love. Therefore, the art of loving includes the art of giving one another space. Henri Nouwen Bread for the Journey

One relation offers much hope and yet another can cause so much pain and perhaps Nouwen's insight is very deep for me because when I do seek to offer some of God's love to others there are risks. The last few weeks have been a combination of being very heavy and feeling unable to move and also being carried by her. We need people who can offer and be with us in moments of sorrow. The danger has been that I'd forgotten or not realized this truth of the other wanting to possess. But now things have changed and must also change deeper down.

Listen

Listen to your life.
See it for the fathomless mystery it is.
In the boredom and pain of it no less than in the excitement and gladness:
touch, taste, smell your way to the holy and hidden heart of it
because in the last analysis all moments are key moments,
and life itself is grace. Frederick Buechner

I must continue to learn to enjoy the present moment but I still worry and anticipate or plan about the future. Can I let go at times? Even in the middle of pain, sadness and anxiety it is possible to find the hand of God at work in my life. Perhaps I live too much by desiring to see and not enough by the other senses of listening, feeling, tasting or smelling.