Day 12 and What shape is your spirituality?

Have you listened to others pray? Have you noted how they refer to God? Do you listen to yourself? Often this says a lot about someone's theology of who God is. Very early in theological studies I was exposed to Trinitarian theology, it's implications in ethics, theological anthropology and theology. In fact it impinges in all areas of doctrine. Yet many people have a very narrow vision and often than not, it isn't trinitarian because at least one of the persons is missing.

I bit the bullet yesterday and worked hard to clear a line of boxes in the bedroom. I emptied 4 of them and sorted or disposed of contents. There were phone bills from 2002 onwards and all manner of bits and pieces. I am trying to experience God in the cleaning and tidying but it is a struggle. However the exercise of will is an important lesson and I am trying not the shirk the need to focus and not to run away. (taking a lesson from John Cassian.) However I have been thinking and realizing that I don't see God as a critical task master/parent but more as strengthener or encourager. God is less and less distant and more an accepted norm of every day life.

Candeo recently blogged about failure and its importance. I wonder whether we need both the little failures and the acknowledgment of little successes to remove fear of failure. In Christian classical spirituality these elements are known as desolations and consolations. In the times when we feel failures and feel God is far away we need the memory of God being close and active to carry us through. These days I have had my good moments and bad moments and I still moving forwards slowly. However most of all I need the encouragement of others to keep going, to keep moving forwards. Trinity is essentially a mysterious relationship full of paradoxes which we need to hold together and yet also this relationship is perhaps what it is to be humans together and in the image of God.

God said, "Let us make human beings in our image, in our likeness... Genesis 1:26

Synaesthesia/synesthesia

To test synaesthesia, V.S. Ramachandran and collaborators designed a test, the picture (on left). Pick out the twos as quickly as possible.

Most ordinary people can do it within about twenty seconds. (I can do it in about 2 seconds.) A majority of aesthetes supposedly see numbers or letters as colours e.g. five might be green and 2 red. But I feel the differences 5's are closed mouth and 2 are open mouth. In fact 5's are smooth, 3's are sharp and 2' simply slimey.

Here's another quick test:-



Do you hear, smell, feel(through touch), taste? Synaesthesia is a condition where stimulation for one of the senses provokes a response in another whether or not it has been directly activated.

I'm quite interested in the links between physical, emotional, and spiritual. Especially as discernment for me is linked to a semi-physical feeling.

Synesthesia is emotional. The experience is accompanied by a sense of certitude (the "this is it" feeling) and a conviction that what synesthetes perceive is real and valid. This accompaniment brings to mind that transitory change in self-awareness that is known as ecstasy. Ecstasy is any passion by which the thoughts are absorbed and in which the mind is for a time lost. In The Varieties of Religious Experience, William James spoke of ecstasy's four qualities of ineffability, passivity, noesis, and transience. These same qualities are shared by synesthesia.
Richard E. Cytowic http://psyche.cs.monash.edu.au/v2/psyche-2-10-cytowic.html

Most spiritual directors, I know are concerned with the symbolic universe and the metaphorical nature of life especially in arts and natural forms. I wonder how many are synaesthetes?

Day 10 and the great clean up

Day 10 and I'm still not significantly out of the living room. This presents a problem as I've not really been home much today. There is a new pile of things in the middle of the floor much of which is awaiting a new home but a lot of paper is gone/shredded or filed.

Yesterday I did some research on tiny houses and tiny homes and have found new ideas for clearing up and new inspiration for stuff reduction. With my incredible tendency to collect and hoard, like a squirrel or hamster there are issues. Looking through my receipts for the last 10 years music has occupied a significant part of my expenditure. However there are many things that did not work out and some I have given away but other are still in a closet. Time to clear out! I'm returning to an old theme that small is beautiful and perhaps smaller and simpler is better. Frequently stuff just causes me more distress than relief, more stress than security. Perhaps this is a new stage for me in understanding purgation, an important stage in spiritual growth.

depth and space

Sunday late afternoon and evening I was really up lifted. I stopped off on at the Danforth street festival to hear a local blues band, harmonica, guitar, keyboard and drumkit. In the rain with storm clouds overhead there is something about the blues which seems to be inherently spiritual. Perhaps it is in its emergence from the songs of the oppressed. Both the wailing nature of the songs harmonica. guitar and voice and the blues scale itself lend a certain transcendence. This was followed by watching George Harrison's Concert for Bangladesh from Google Video and followed by G3 live featuring the guitar artistry of Joe Satriani, Eric Johnson and Steve Vai.

Blues seems to touch deeply. Perhaps because of the absence of the major third in the blues scale brings an existential feeling of space inside the chording. I forget the book I was reading but looking at Christian worship music it presented 3 categories for music with sufficient depth. One was folk music, the music of the people. Blues reflects truly the human condition and human struggle.

Acedia and Day 8 of the great cleanup

OUR sixth combat is with what the Greeks call acedia, which we may term weariness or distress of heart. This is akin to gloominess, ... It also makes the man lazy and sluggish about all manner of work which has to be done within the enclosure of his dormitory. It does not suffer him to stay in his cell, or to take any pains about reading, and he often groans because he can do no good while he stays there, and complains and sighs because he can bear no spiritual fruit so long as he is joined to that society; and he complains that he is cut off from spiritual gain, and is of no use in the place, ... John Cassian Institutes

I have written a little about acedia earlier back in September last year. (here) But as I struggle with trying to keep myself cleaning up so then the reflections on slovenliness continue to follow on. Our physical, emotional and spiritual lives are intrinsically linked.

John Cassian (circa AD 360-435) is probably the most quoted figure on the subject (actually are far as I can see the only figure I've read to date!) It is his recording of the Desert Fathers' sayings and his influence on St Benedict and subsequent monastic traditions that makes him so important. In his Institutes, Book 10, he give an important illustration from his own life concerning acedia.

WHEN I was beginning my stay in the desert, and had said to Abbot Moses, the chief of all the saints, that I had been terribly troubled yesterday by an attack of acedia, and that I could only be freed from it by running at once to Abbot Paul, he said, “You have not freed yourself from it, but rather have given yourself up to it as its slave and subject. For the enemy will henceforth attack you more strongly as a deserter and runaway, since it has seen that you fled at once when overcome in the conflict: unless on a second occasion when you join battle with it you make up your mind not to dispel its attacks and heats for the moment by deserting your cell, or by the inactivity of sleep, but rather learn to triumph over it by endurance and conflict.” Whence it is proved by experience that a fit of acedia should not be evaded by running away from it, but overcome by resisting it.

In Cassian's writing he indicates some key obstacles for the monks in the spiritual life; gluttony, impurity, covetousness, anger, dejection, acedia, vainglory, and pride. I suspect I have begun to gain insight into why people get stuck in the spiritual lives and it's all to be found here. So its back to work will all my might to clear the kitchen.

Jesus replied, No-one who puts his hand to the plough and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God. Luke 9:62

From South of the border

“I think one of the primary ‘things of ourselves’ that American Christians chase after is financial independence. In fact, most of the books on Christian financial principles in print assume that this is the goal of Christian finance. However, countless verses in the New Testament make it clear that this isn't a Biblical value.” Mark went on to discuss the value of mutual dependence in Christ, a well noted but mostly overlooked principle. Rusty Kelley @ Common Grounds citing Mark Upton

Years ago one of my cousins thinking out loud asked how he could ensure his children didn't get handed everything on a plate. He was concerned that he, himself had to struggle to attain success in his life and he wanted to ensure his children would be strong as well, having the will to reach for and achieve. All this reminds me I've been struggling for a few years trying to understand the empirical connection between an individual's relationship with God and their membership within a community/Body of Christ. This comes to focus again today as I worry about:- those who feel they have to go away on missions find God. Those who rely more on the prayers of their friends than on their relationship with God. Those who come to only half a worship service or those for whom attendance in a communal service Sunday's is optional.

This week I read that Christianity is a social religion to be conducted in community. That is not earth shattering as such but still a good reminder. I suspect that extroverts prefer community in services and prayer meetings and introverts prefer solitude in quiet times and meditation - and the lazy neither. I wrote about slovenliness as few days ago and the remedy is of course will-power. When we are called to love God we are called to love with all our (your) strength. της ισχυος σου tes ischuos sou. What is this strength?

I would disagree in part with what I heard today. Rather than fall into a Greek understanding of human person which has heart(spiritual), soul (emotional), mind (rational), and strength (physical) I would like draw on a stronger theological tradition one where the church realized the importance of the will or will-power - this is our source of strength. This last week my 5 year old godson and his older brother learned about will power (Yes, I was teaching!). Resisting the want to switch on the TV and watch a DVD. I invited them to consider will-power and not simply following their wants. Ironically William, the older brother was the one lacking Will-power however my godson Daniel put up a good fight and beat the want. In the Catholic tradition these wants are distinguished as passions and desires. Desires are what God has placed in our hearts. Passions are what arise out of human wants and needs. Passions are not necessarily bad but like an untamed unbridled horse very risky for rider. (Notice passions are very closely allied to feelings.)

What then of human action within passions ?

"When regulated by reason, and subjected to the control of the will, the passions may be considered good and used as means of acquiring and exercising virtue. ... The flesh and its appetites, if allowed, will throw everything into confusion and vitiate our whole nature by sin and its consequences. It is therefore man's duty to control and regulate it by reason and a strong will aided by God's grace."

Thus enjoying a good cooked meal is not bad. But to overeat is bad. I may have a passion for serving God and even go to India but the desire placed in me is to be with God and bring him to those that need to meet him.

How do I know whether my passions are headed in the right direction? Discernment and communal discernment because self-deception is still very effective. Discernment is a struggle and becomes stronger in community but the community itself needs to want to discern rather than make decisions. We need to get our spirituality out in front not behind us.

What's difference?

It is true that some preach Christ out of envy and rivalry, but others out of goodwill. The latter do so in love, knowing that I am put here for the defense of the gospel. The former preach Christ out of selfish ambition, not sincerely, supposing that they can stir up trouble for me while I am in chains. But what does it matter? The important thing is that in every way, whether from false motives or true, Christ is preached. And because of this I rejoice. Paul Philippians 1:15-18

I worry perhaps too much about motives. Jesus seemed to point to the importance of motives in the Divine assessment of action and life. But What does it matter?. Joey in Missions and Theology points out "In essence he was saying, their motives are between them and God. Whether the preaching was done for false motives or pure, whether for show or for the sake of what was right, Paul was genuinely pleased that the gospel was being spread."

What does it matter as long as the gospel is being proclaimed in some way? People's impure hearts and motives doesn't matter as long as God remains centre stage. I suppose this is where it is. If the person becomes centre stage then there is a problem. Whether preacher or worship leader if it is all about me, then we've entered idolatry - substituting us for God. I have not quite understood the N. American phenomenon of the "secret of" or "how to" book titles. Now I think it is all about the author and is a new form of the older gnosticism appearing in society. Perhaps also revealed in a renewed interest in the Gnostic gospels as well. For us below re: peoples actions and words, as long as Christ is preached then motives become secondary, as long as God is in centre then an impure heart is not the issue. God sees, searches and knows the hearts of humans.

Day 6 of the great clean up

I'm writing this before I take a break, a day off. As I work on the great clean up I've been thinking about the proverb cleanliness is next to Godliness. Some say that it came from the late 2nd century Rabbi Phinehas ben-Yair. For me, I know this proverb from John Wesley who said in a sermon in 1791 'Slovenliness is no part of religion.'Cleanliness is indeed next to Godliness.' I wasn't aware of the first part until doing a little research. I'd always thought of cleanliness as Francis Bacon seems to have done, namely 'Cleanness of body was ever deemed to proceed from a due reverence to God.' (Advancement of Learning AD 1605) but slovenliness gives a clue which is about being untidy or sloppy as well as unclean.

As I continue the great clean up I have to tackle the bathroom and the kitchen. I have hated washing dishes all my life, well as long as I can remember. I'll wash dishes for other people, I'll organize meals for over 70 people and there is a sense of accomplishment as I clear and put away the dishes. But when it comes to my own kitchen and keeping things in order it is trouble. I tried inspiration from Brother Lawrence who ran the monastery kitchens and whose insights are recorded in The Practice of the Presence of God. It took him 17 years to learn the discipline so I am comforted.

He's told us this quite plainly—he'll also rock the heavens: "One last shaking, from top to bottom, stem to stern." The phrase "one last shaking" means a thorough housecleaning, getting rid of all the historical and religious junk so that the unshakable essentials stand clear and uncluttered. from Hebrew 12: 27-29 The Message

Day 5 of the great clean up

Things proceed and more of the floor is revealed and yet also more bits laid aside not dealt with in the past is opened up. Currently I'm about 2 days behind my schedule as the living room isn't completed yet. However I've cleared and dismantled my temporary desk which occupied the centre of the living room for 8-9 months. I also started setting up a drop leaf desk into one of my Ivar shelving units which is easier to control. Yesterday I got back into Christmas stuff again and had another find, a 15 dollar gift certificate. Not in the same scale as my May find but it still felt as grace.

Another gift yesterday was listening to Tim Keller of Church of the Redeemer NYC speaking about The Prodigal Sons. A new insight came as I moved more from the younger to the older and then my owner journey as the older brother. There are those who find birth order theories unhelpful yet according to their understanding "firstborns are more conscientious, more socially dominant, less agreeable, and less open to new ideas compared to laterborns." Put in other words they are stay at home, more obedient (outwardly at least), less likely to be wayward, and repress the natural rebelliousness that children and teenagers develop. The younger brother was lost but the older brother was lost too. Just a careful reading of the language and behaviour of the older brother towards his father is enough to see the similarities. The younger brother was separated from his father by his disobedience but the older brother by his obedience. However this obedience was a self-righteous obedience yet failure to adopt the values of his father. Otherwise he would have gone to search for his brother. Obedience and outward behaviour is not what the true spiritual life is about. It is not about moral high ground, nor about good doctrine nor really about judgement but being transformed into the likeness of Christ. Most of us in the faith are older siblings separated by our obedience rather than our waywardness. Staying at home, doing all that we think we should be doing. We need to rethink what is obedience or else we'll sound like the older brother.

'Look! All these years I've been slaving for you and never disobeyed your orders. Yet you never gave me even a young goat so I could celebrate with my friends. But when this son of yours who has squandered your property with prostitutes comes home, you kill the fattened calf for him!' Luke 15:29-30

Never Giving Up

There's something voyeuristic about reading other's blogs but sometimes it's plain inspirational. Blogs are so public and open and yet so inspirational. I've been reading the blog called "Hope for Wennie Hong" It seems like a 19 year old has had life go to the edge and her friends and family have all been there for her. But what a journey. (recorded here)

I was also looking over a BBC news item where a baby was dying from kidney failure. She was so small that none of the standard technology was able to do anything. Her doctor, Malcolm Coulthard, designed and built her a dialysis machine from scratch in his garage. It worked and two years later she is still alive and kicking and the DIY machine is still used! Coulthard wasn't satisfied that there was nothing available to help.

There is something about life that requires that we never give up. Hope is required for life. Hope for Wennie Hong, a young woman, who has a long way to go for recovery. Hope that drove a doctor to build a machine in his garage (I suspect without the permission of the hospital administration!) A dear friend is very sick, not immediately terminal but the slightly longer term prognosis isn't good. Sometimes all we can have is hope. Hope in a God who loves and cares so much. Hope in a God who will intervene. Hope in doctors who won't give up, who might have made a misdiagnosis.

But the eyes of the LORD are on those who fear him, on those whose hope is in his unfailing love, to deliver them from death and keep them alive in famine. We wait in hope for the LORD; he is our help and our shield. In him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in his holy name. May your unfailing love rest upon us, O LORD, even as we put our hope in you. Psalm 33:18-22

Extreme Makeover

I don't whether you've watched episodes of Extreme Home Makeover. It seems even worse than winning the lottery because you have even less control over what happens afterwards. From two episodes last year I've guessed extensively the show is meant to be philanthropic helping families in trouble who need something good to happen to them. The problem is how over top things are giving swimming pools, vast amounts of technology etc. Website freemoneyfinance.com seems to be following a trail of disasters. Frequently the new homes are a white elephant or sacred cow. These idioms are so apt because they are so valuable and while you can admire them they consume and give nothing back. The trouble is bigger is better is not necessarily a good idea. In one case the utility bills are now 500-700 dollars a month! Not good if you're already economically struggling.

So often people, including, want the quick fix to situations. But quick fixes are frequently disasters. Bigger is not more beautiful nor more desirable. Monster homes in the suburbs are frequently not the solution. Around the Western economies there is a debt crisis and property values have dropped and mortgages are being defaulted upon. Small Is Beautiful: Economics As If People Mattered by E. F. Schumacher is a collection of essays. It was written in 1973 during an energy crisis in Britain. As a new energy crisis grows globally, smaller and more economic must begin to become the norm. Even in my simplified lifestyle I'm finding things are still too complex. I'm more of a recycler and adapter but I also now realize I cannot be so much a hoarder and collector of things.

Day 3 of the great clear up, I look back and see Day 2 was not really successful as I headed into avoidance. I began to find it difficult to get rid of things perhaps the rain etc.

Day 2 of the great clean up

A difficult thing to do, and very few minds can do it. St. Paul gives us the shortest definition of concentration on record when he says, " This one thing I do," short, but tremendously significant. Another Bible definition is excellent: " Whatsoever thy hand findeth to do, do it with thy might." author unknown How To Concentrate (here)

Well it's started and I'm already thinking about the you-can-see-the-floor party. I have quite some distance to go but it's started. I cleared about 12 square feet of floor, removing stuff and sorting. I reorganized a few shelves and sorted through 3 boxes. One had papers for 2004-2005!

"Concentration is the Most Important Intellectual Habit of Man." I was reading this from an article published in 1930. It's a great little item. One of my barriers to concentration has been the environment of my apartment. constantly stubbing my toes on things, walking and moving things around. The writer points to 4 aids to concentration periodic relaxation, mental freedom, proper environment, and a definite schedule. Much of this is linked to stress and tension and the time has come to clear up! So I have to get to it with all my might!