culture clash

I've been clearing and sorting my CDs and there are 45 CD's in my current get rid of pile (and it's still growing). There's everything Jazz, rock, pop, dance, R&B, folk etc. I've also working on new playlists on iTunes for the 1960's, 70's, 80's and 90's. Tracks that I remember and remind me of things. The biggest at the moment is the 1980's currently 83 tracks and the 70's are 54. The other periods are still small as I sort out my memories and find out what is missing for me.

But as I review all this stuff that I acquired, picked up etc I came across a little gem a fusion CD Sacred Spirit II Culture Clash. Mixing cello blues and electronica, it's a fascinating blend. I've probably had the CD for 5-7 years and never listened to it. (If you want hear a sample I've posted a link to a youtube video on my other blog here.) John Lee Hooker, the blues musician is part of the mix but sadly the cellist is not named.

There are many memories that we have not listened to, like this Sacred Spirit CD. My current situation means that because my life is on pause and I am examining memories and my reactions and this means learning and perhaps even choosing now an alternative response to situations in the past. This all means I hope and pray a healthier future.

I will continue the CD sorting and compiling my playlists and I suspect also doing that with my life's memories.

Health and health

What a day! I've been to my counsellor, to my doctor, to my chiropractor and to my regular pharmacist. The only people I didn't see today were my dentist and spiritual director!

I really do feel that I am moving to really good health. My counsellor is pleased with progress with the insights I have gained and expressed and I'm encouraged how much more at peace I feel nowadays, even though the future is still very unclear. My doctor is very pleased my bad cholesterol has dropped from 6.7 to 2.1 with the medication and changes in lifestyle and diet. My risk of a heart attack has dropped from 30 percent to 6 percent. Of course that doesn't include the other factors I've been working on in my lifestyle. According to what I've heard, walking for 30 minutes a day can slash the risk of a heart attack by 30 to 40 percent! I'm also eating a small quantity of almonds almost every day because a study suggested a handful five times a week cut the risk of heart attack in half! I am self consciously eating a variety of fish with omega 5 and 3 as well.

In fact you should have seen the graphs of my HDL, LDL and triglyceride levels all were at a 45 degree slope, downwards! I picked up my prescriptions, Crestor and baby aspirin, from the pharmacist feeling very encouraged. The aspirin is reputed to reduced the risk of a heart attack by 32 percent though increase stroke risks! My blood pressure is still a bit on the high side and also iron also. My ultrasound results have recommended I should have a CAT scan of my adrenal glands, so the exam continues.

My chiropractic appointment was more maintenance. I had a little back pain over the weekend but with exercises and the recovery was pretty quick. I'm also trying to brush my teeth twice a day and floss regularly because it is suggested that periodontal disease is linked to coronary artery disease or atherosclerosis, a narrowing of the arteries caused by deposits of fat and plaque onto the arteryl walls.

Health comes on many levels, physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual. They all overlap and infact there is also the social which we discussed today as well. Of course there is the question Will I obtain ultimate health? To which the answer is no but at least then I will have done what is living responsibly, living as a good steward of all that I am and therefore living in the spirit of Shalom - peace.

Note a video posting

I've posted a video on my other blog. It's beautiful piece from Julian LLoyd Webber. (here)

Message in a Bottle

Walked out this morning, don't believe what I saw, Hundred billion bottles washed up on the shore, Seems I'm not alone in being alone, Hundred billion castaways, looking for a home. Sting

Karen Liebreich wrote a book called The Letter in the Bottle which was about her unsuccessful search for the mother who wrote a heart-rending letter found washed up in a bottle off the Kent coast. Karen tried every route possible to track down the author and got all the science and pseudoscience she could. I came across the story in The Daily Telegraph because after the book was published, the woman who had written the sad letter to her deceased son came forward. It had taken her 21 years to face down the grief of loss and throwing his clothes into the ocean, together with 2 lilies and the bottle with the letter.

Liebreich gives us details of this woman's story:

The bottle was my idea. I already knew that I needed to do something to let him go and I had thought of a letter in a bottle – why not. The whole thing was triggered by a dream, the dream that I mentioned in the letter. I had a beautiful dream about Maurice and I finally understood that it was time to let him go.

The past haunts and handicaps us. Then it is time to let go and move forwards when we understand.

I'm not Catholic, though my family was. And of course I was very angry with Him. There is some kind of superior energy, a cosmic force, and I was furious with Him. Today I am once again happy to be alive...

We all have unfinished business because we are works in progress. Somehow I feel this particular work in progress has begun a signficant time of letting go. A letting go of pain and therefore a chance to gain. I have a feeling of release these days and somehow after what seems a long time can can say I'm happy to be alive.
(If you're interested in the article it's here)

Pay it Forward

You don't pay love back; you pay it forward. Lily Hardy Hammond In the Garden of Delight

Why do we do things for other people? Perhaps we do it for a return or for the feel good factor. Few of us are like philanthropists giving fortunes away like Charles Saatchi of the Advertising company who has just given away a complete art collection and museum to go with it and doesn't want it named after him. So why do we do things for other people. I've just found that Jane Siberry, a Canadian singer who I've known about for a while, has made her complete music catalogue available on the internet [here]. I'm surprised in this world of copyright and intellectual property and possessing stuff to find this generosity. (Note there's a lot of traffic and you'll have to try quite a few times to grab a file before succeeeding.)

On the webpage she says free, enjoy and pay it forward. What is pay it forward? Wikipedia says ""pay it forward" is used to describe the concept of asking that a good turn be repaid by having it done to others instead." In other words pay back is never to the giver but to someone else. Strangely I think I've been living a bit that way. I do stuff for people with the hope they'll learn to help others. There's been a number of interesting spinoffs recorded in Wikipedia including a project from the Oprah Winfry Show, but what they fail to address the the fundamental motivation and the value behind the giving. I believe pay it forward contains a wish to change the world's values.

This is not that different to altruism where someone sacrifices their own life to protect the lives of others. Though Richard Dawkin's would probably want to put a different twist to this especially to die or sacrifice for your kin or family but at the core of the Christian faith is one of sacrifice for strangers and the estranged i.e. those far away. Postmodern philosopher Derrida struggled with the idea of the gift as unconditional, perhaps even grace as unconditional is a problem because it always carrys with it a call to pay it forward. This is so true if we take seriously the parable of forgiven debts.

I said you did not have to pay back a cent. Don't you think you should show pity to someone else, as I did to you? Matt 18:32-33

More of the right stuff

Focus on acquiring abilities, not tools. Instead of buying a bunch of gadgets to help me get a job done, let’s spend more time learning the skills behind the job. Tools are just things, but skills become part of us. ... Let’s stop hoarding stuff (money, books, guarantees, etc.) in the name of “What if?” and have the courage to rely on our ability to deal with crises. artofgreatthings.com

I might not fully agree with the self-reliance theme of the blogger, but there is a grain of truth. I'm a hoarder because of anxiety and the supposed need to build a resource base. The clutter mentally, physically even emotionally and spiritually becomes a weight draining energy because I don't and never would have enough space to store it all. The time comes for choices: BIG choices. Stuff is becoming an burden. If Iris is to return, even before then I need to find the physical space by ridding myself of the millstone of stuff.

Somehow the job is to simplify reduce the stuff without throwing the baby out with the bathwater. What is core and needed? What is only clutter? The trouble is the new stack of CD's got from garage sales the last few weeks over 40. Trying to decide what to keep and what to get rid of. Last week I got 30 CDs for 5 dollars so I need to really clear what I'm not going to keep. Out of the piles I really wanted Celine Dion's Colour of My Love, Alicia Key's Diary of Alicia Keys, Titanic Soundtrack, Norah Jones' Feels Like Home, Santana's Supernatural to name a few key ones. But maybe I should be playing my cello more?

What makes music Spiritual or Christian?

For avowedly Christian music it [the music of Pärt] is not, perhaps, very plainly founded upon the Incarnation of the Son of God. Dale Nelson

I've been thinking again about an episode a few years ago when some Arvo Pärt music was used because he was a Christian. Pärt's music has a sense of silence, of stillness and therefore of course can provide a setting but dangerously this can be merely utilitarian muzak like elevator or supermarket background music. I read an interesting article which contrasted Bach and Part. Bach wrote, “In a reverent performance of music God is always present with His grace” however his understanding is very much a verbal one. Yet perhaps the key observation from Dale Nelson is Bach wrote music for the church, while Pärt mostly writes for the concert hall. Very different contexts and very different reasons for writing.

Much of modern contemporary worship is performative rather unitive. Performed from the front and self-reflective there a danger of the personal worship album as a collection of personal songs is being used supposedly to unite people. What was the reason for writing the song and what was the setting intended?

I read that CS Lewis once heard a Zulu war song and thought it was “wistful and gentle” and consequently wondered whether music was really a universal language. However when we use music we should use it self-consciously making clear theological decisions. Why are we using this? Are we using it with some sense of integrity and understanding or merely as wallpaper?

It's not a bargain if you don't need it!

People use equipment as a crutch. They don't want to put in the hours ... They're looking for a shortcut. But you just don't need the the best gear to be good ... content is what matters. You can spend tons on fancy equipment, but if you've got nothing to say... well, you've got nothing to say. Jason Fried, David Heinemeier Hansson Rework

Of course this is true but how many of us live this way nowadays. We look for the shortcut, the path of least resistance. I confess I have but that is not always the healthiest way to go. The product whether it's something I say , do , play, present, or simply make will be shallow lacking purpose and challenge. I don't want to live that way. Living out faith for me is to express and create something anew. My counsellor noted the importance of the personal insight, literally the "Aha" moment. He's right for I live for the moment when it all comes together, the pieces become one thing: when the collection of ideas or bits I've collected cohere together. Do we actually have anything meaningful to say unless we put the work in? That means spending enough time, being sufficiently open to what God would have to say to each one of us.

minimize and simplify

Along these lines, simplicity isn’t a goal or an end result. Simplicity is a means to an end, with the ultimate destination being a remarkable life focused on what matters most to you. You don’t practice simplicity for simplicity’s sake, you practice simplicity to clear the distractions that get in the way of the life you desire. The Unclutterer blog

I have so much stuff and dealing with it is something I need to do. I'm also trying to simplfy my old iMac. Using simpler faster launching programs. Word or NeoOffice (the Mac Openoffice program) both take an age to launch and give me far more than I often want. I found the blog MinimalMac and am beginning to assess what I really need. There were some really simple and effective programs out there. In considering what is needed I generally want things faster and slimmer and even simpler so I'm going to try Notational Velocity a speedy little note-taker which launches in less than 2 seconds. Also Bean a lightweight wordprocessor which again launches very fast.

We've grown up with the crazy idea that big with lots of features is good, but maybe small is really beautiful and maybe I'll get more things done? Simplification means hopefully less time taken up by tech and more time for the important things namely things which give life meaning and purpose.

Peace and Shalom

To see a world in a grain of sand. And a heaven in a wild flower. Hold infinity in the palm of your hand. And eternity in an hour William Blake Auguries of Innocence

Cycling downtown and down St George, past three groups of 20 or so police on bikes and the sounds of helicopters flying overhead. As I neared church I saw two people sat on the curb side their hands tied behind their backs, surrounded by police I had no sense of the presence of God. More so I felt this was a war zone a place of the absence of God - a place of violence. What had happened to the familiar and the peace of the city?

I had my dental surgery on Thursday and recovered quite quickly I was fully conscious and alert after 2 hours unlike last time which was more the following day. There has been a greater sense of peace and hope in me. Even as I deal with gum infections - note that I'm taking a cocktail of both Penicillin and Azithromycin but I've stopped needing my pain killers - I hope things are getting better. Certainly my body seems to be more at peace. Also I've also started taking Crestor, a Statin for cholesterol reduction, and baby Aspirin for heart disease prevention. Also to lower my sodium and my high blood pressure I'm changing my diet. Perhaps Shalom-peace when everything works as it should. At the moment my body needs a lot of help but hoping that I will stablize at a better health level.

On iTunes I discovered the PBS podcast series "Take One Step for A Healthy Heart" a very interesting series and as I completed Andrew Weil's Healthy Aging I am planning to make signficant changes in diet and eating habits. Even drinking more green tea on top of my normal tea drinking, brushing my teeth more often, flossing more and rinsing with antimicrobial mouth wash. In the moment my mind and spirit I feel are less anxious and I'm waking without my jaw being tense.

I can say that vision and reasons have changed within me. God seems to have spoken, called through the one I love and now I find myself seeking for health and lingering less on pain... rather looking for eternity in the hour, to the glimpse of glory and finding it. She once wrote "your heart is within me" and although she is far away I'm drinking out of that cup called hope. (literally the mug she left behind) and finding her heart within me in the peace that only God can give.

Earthquake

Toronto had a 5.5 earthquake this afternoon. I felt the house shaking and went into the kitchen to make sure the shelves there didn't fall over. We survived but the whole house shook for quite a few seconds. It's about 16-17 years since the last I can remember but this one was much bigger and longer.

Life has been a number of upheavals. My life is changing with the proposal, worries about the future, then another feeling of God's provision. Today I saw her off at the airport not sure of the future but with more hope than before. Tomorrow I'm off to the dentist again to sort out tooth pain with a root canal.

I've been thinking about the relationship of Faith to Hope or perhaps Hope to Faith. Augustine asserts "The fact that we do not see either what we believe or what we hope for, is all that is common to faith and hope. ... [but] there is no love without hope, no hope without love, and neither love nor hope without faith." I cannot hope without faith that God is at work with us. But as I see it hope is rooted in an authentic relationship, one that is loving. While this is not an earth shatteringly intellectual idea, it is quite a personal realization when I think about the distance between us, i.e. Korean - Canada. But also faith that God, who we believe brought us together, will do it again soon.

A song from the Korean drama Stairway to Heaven called Bogoshipda 보고싶다 translated means I miss you. Iris I miss you. I'm hoping and believing in your return.

Something similar

Iris and I were encouraged by this recently, Celine Dion's story.