Two kinds of loneliness

In the spiritual life we have to make a distinction between two kinds of loneliness. In the first loneliness, we are out of touch with God and experience ourselves as anxiously looking for someone or something that can give us a sense of belonging, intimacy, and home. The second loneliness comes from an intimacy with God that is deeper and greater than our feelings and thoughts can capture. We might think of these two kinds of loneliness as two forms of blindness. The first blindness comes from the absence of light, the second from too much light. The first loneliness we must try to outgrow with faith and hope. The second we must be willing to embrace in love. Henri Nouwen Bread for the Journey

Somehow Nouwen has a way of putting deep things succinctly. I wrote about this this back in January (here) A few days ago I was talking to one international, now back in her home country, who has broken up with her boyfriend of many years. Somehow it is difficult to counsel about the challenge to grow in loneliness when that person is in pain at the loss of security of future, locked in the threat of being unmarried. I found myself for a moment in the conversation and can honestly say that the desire to marry and share a life does not go away nor fade away.

... Let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith ...Hebrews 12:1c-2a

Principalities and Powers

Ben Myers asks" Is Fashion A Demonic Power? He then quotes from Karl Barth's Church Dogmatics which is probably the last book I would think of for something on fashion and consumerism.

“Who wants it this way? The particular industry that tirelessly makes money out of it and whose kings, we are told, reside especially in Paris? But who has made these people the kings? What is it that has always made this industry so lucrative? How has it come about that since the end of the eighteenth century men’s clothing has become so monotonous and uninteresting? Conversely, how has it come about that world history might be presented from the standpoint of the sequence in which men have thought that they should shave or not shave their faces or adorn them with the boldest or most hideous arrangements of hair? Who inspires and directs these processes, which are not a matter of indifference to the feeling for life and all that it implies? If it is a matter of rapidly changing taste, what released spirit of the earth pulls the strings so that this fancy passes, another which is anxiously watched by millions comes and prevails, and then after a while it too departs?”

As I read discussions whether there will at last be a Mac tablet or a new ipod touch or whether simply a new MacBook computer with touch pad, this question cuts a little close to the bone. Perhaps not Paris but Cupertino now calls the trends and fashion. Are you buying?

Nothing spectacularly different

The missional life is not a life removed from the ordinary. The missional life is nothing special, it’s just embodying and giving expression to “gospel”, gospel centered on Jesus’ life lived in all the everyday contexts and circumstances we find yourselves in, and “yes” most especially in the mess and inadequacy of our own lives being lived in those places – the places of doubt, brokenness, failure, sickness, vulnerability, and powerlessness – in other words, in our simply being human! In our simply being alive and being about life as living persons, not as the “living dead”. This is the spiritual life. This is the missional way. This is the Jesus-way. Paul Fromont

As I catch up with some of my Google reader accounts I was caught by the obviousness of it all. I of course agree whole heartedly and yet at times I don't really live that way sufficiently. I try so hard to do the best possible and desire after the best. it's Ok when I'm working by myself but sometimes when I have to work with others that have radically different working patterns it can bring trouble bubbling up. I plan ahead and work hard at preparing comprehensively. Of course there is nothing wrong with rigor especially in things academic, but many people are procrastinators. Or at least my world seems to be full of procrastinators. The distance between being adequately prepared and last minute is vast for me and narrow for many.

This is one of my crosses to bear. I love to play music and when rehearsals are short and there is no time for fun, I struggle. For me something that doesn't carry intention whether spirit led or person led - ultimately it is ugly and not uplifting. This too is a cross to bear because I want to meet God and have fun, to enjoy being in the presence of God.

I worry. When events are planned I want to work on them for hours and months in advance. Others don't want to start thinking until much closer in time. I'm less scared of failure than in the past as grace has abounded and I realize the gifting that has been lavished on me. Also I recognize some of the best talks or messages I have given have been on the backs of envelopes or improvised! But many hours of listening, thinking, and especially just wondering contributed to those moments. This week I set aside something I have been planning actively for 2 months because it was stressing because others were not ready to move on the matter. I'm willing to live with the potential for failure or incompleteness in order to release the control and and worry. It is no longer mine. I will wait for the others to initiate praying that God will shape and guide them. I have decided tolive in the places of doubt, brokenness, failure, sickness, vulnerability, and powerlessness.

Passion for Rationality

I've been reading the Times Online (a UK paper) on the internet for a while and have been surprised to see a podcast there from the London Institute for Contemporary Christianity by Professor John Gray. I've posted earlier about Alistair McGrath's response to Richard Dawkin's The God Delusion. But perhaps I really haven't paid too much attention to new atheism in general as I've seen it very much as one of the last wild spasms of rational modernity against postmodernity and the rise of spirituality as a reality in human existence. Still I'm surprise to find it on the Times Online website (here). I found it really strange reading the 140 comments which really felt like a shouting match across a wide room. I'm even more surprised to find that Gray is a skeptic, nonbeliever in God or god.

He asserts that the current publishing atheism is an atheist rejection of monotheism couched in a scientific response of positivism form the 19th century. It is ignorant of history and that concepts of toleration etc which form part of liberalism emerged from Western religious traditions i.e. religion is not intrinsically intolerant. Furthermore this new atheism is a media phenomenon, and is preaching a view that knowledge makes humans free and elevates humanity and often sets these humans (atheists) as more civilized or advanced.

Secularist ideology has gone and yet the assumption has remained that humanity is progressing inevitably to secularism and assumes that science drives out religious faith. But the opposite has happened globally religion and faith has moved back centre stage. Looking at history the great secularist projects of Nazism and Marxism have failed. Gray claims that "Science drives out faith" is an illusion. or perhaps a delusion?

Professor Gray has written an article "The Atheist Delusion"which contains many of the points in his lecture. The weirdest thing is a fundamentalist Christian Youtube video with Gray's article. (here) It sets sadly in my mind exactly a Christian version of Richard Dawkins in response to John Gray, which is a polemical blinkered view of reality. Lacking real depth of engagement in fact a denial of the history of the world, which incidentally includes a figure in a tiny corner of the Roman Empire called Palestine.

Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth. Psalm 46:10

Getting it headed right

Last Sunday I got to play my new cello twice and I'm still reveling in the second opportunity. Piano, drums and me and 3 singers and it was fun and stretching. We, the musicians, were all older guys. The drummer played way back with Hugh and Fergus Marsh, both are deeply respected musicians in the local scene. Fergus used to tour with Bruce Cockburn in the eighties and I heard him play Chapman stick at that time.

I actually had fun Sunday afternoon. Because there was clear musical leadership from Matthew, even though rehearsal was only 40 minutes for 9 songs, we functioned truly as a band! In fact I was covering a variety of roles, bass, rhythm guitar, some soloing, pads etc. Interesting learning experience, I realized that I've forgotten my B major scale on the cello! (This is probably the dumbing down effect of a lot of worship bands and songs played in C and D.) I've borrowed from the public library 2 books on improvisation because I think I want to get serious again with music.

Matt just sent me links to "Worship team Hero" (see it here). What is really scary is the accuracy of how bland Christian worship has the potential to become.

75% of your vocalists must sing the melody. A maximum of two harmonies are allowed. These harmonies must be at 50% the volume of the melody. They must also be dragged out longer than the melody, to allow the congregation to hear them.

The accuracy is frightening.

Bonus points if everyone in your band (including vocalists) shows up on time. However, double MINUS those points because the sound techs are MIA. [translation missing in action]

Take the time to read the parody of "Worship Team Hero" - laugh and then cry for its accuracy.

The danger of inadequate assessment

I don't whether you read months back about the man who grew a finger back using pixie dust, a matrix extracted from pig cells. When I read it I was skeptical even when reported by the BBC (here) and other very reputable sources. Anyhow soon after details became clearer and clearer that it seemed to be a finger tip and not bone i.e. we're not dealing with limb replacement. If you're interested the badscience.net website has a good clear critique (be warned the picture is nasty here)

Now there is some truth to it all just not the extravagant claims that were made. Matrixes are being made from animal parts such as heart valves. It is simply exaggeration crept in. Some years ago I sliced off the one aspect of my index finger and half the nail, the thumb side. The flesh grew back and the nail grew out slowly covering the wound over about 6-8 weeks. The nail grew faster than normal. I can bear witness to that. But I cringe when people make extravagant claims which are not are not validated. However Evelyn, who I knew, went into hospital for surgery for a tumor clearly identified through ultrasound. However when she recovered from the anesthetic she met two doctors who sheeplishly admitted they couldn't find anything. She said she'd come to realize this incident was about God's care for her and something for her doctors. There are no crazy claims here.

I cringe when I hear people say that believing will solve all your problems, cure all your ills, and you will receive blessing on blessing. The faith of many does not bear witness to that. neither does the Biblical record. Only a few people healed, cured, delivered, and restored. Faith is something intensely personal and you can only truly assess it personally and even then it needs validation in practice and in discernment of spirits. One of my internationals shared on Saturday that God is real, after a year from becoming a Christian he bears witness that God is real. I give thanks for something real and true, because I knew him before and now.

Zimbabwe - what is justice?

I have watched Africa for a number of years and the post-colonial heritage. I now see issues of justice come into focus for me in the Zimbabwe situation. Formerly Rhodesia and a formerly white dominated country, things are different but not necessarily for the better. I don't fully understand how Mugabe's Zanu-PF party has seized power but the country is now ruled by Africans, which is Just? But was this really justice - I'm reminded of Alistair McIntyre's question - Whose justice?

The former white-owned farms are producing just 10% of the food they did a decade ago and long-established communal farmers, who used to grow the bulk of Zimbabwe's maize supply, are now growing about 25% of former production. The Guardian July 21 2008

It looks like famine is coming with the failure of the recent maize harvest without sufficient seed stock to replant and the hyper-inflation means people cannot buy food. Food aid has been blocked with the accusation of further colonialism. According to UN statistics a third of the population is chronically undernourished already. When will this reach the global news headlines? I remember the Ethiopian famine, which prompted the mega event LIVE AID 1985. I remember the images on the news of starved children. But this is the 2000s, and somehow we're in danger of being all compassioned out. Images don't touch us the same way, because they've been over used to get our money. Is there a real danger that we have lost our ability to feel, to be truly touched by other people's situations?

Somehow I think key is not merely the theoretical which I'm good at. But is still good to be informed otherwise we'd miss news about Zimbabwe. But more importantly to recognize what media and life as a whole can do to us. It can edit, forget, or exhaust us to name a few possibilities. Compassion is passion together and therefore feeling together i.e. an empathic response. To hear the other person in pain rather than to be deaf to it, is the right move. Remember Zimbabwe and perhaps notice the volume of your organic waste from your kitchen.

There's a world outside your window, and it's a world of dread and fear ... Where the only water flowing is the bitter sting of tears' Band Aid Do they know its Christmas?

Perspectives

Today I got to play my cello at two services in very different settings. They provide some very interesting points of reflection particularly when I was asked after the second whether I was ministered to even though I was actually playing.(thanks Carny) Strangely I have to say a definite to the second - Yes. Not because the service was twice the length, nor because the congregation were multiracial, nor even a sense people willing to worship. I think I can place the issue key in the message of surrender. It was delivered beautifully and intensely intentionally in an opening video sequence of images, carefully selected songs and hymns, a message passionately delivered with a pastoral focus and communion and prayers. Everything was woven into a beautiful tapestry and I didn't only enjoy myself but was genuinely touched.

I have watched at this very unique BBC new video (here) This is not a CGI, computer generated image. But is genuinely taken from a NASA craft in deep space of the moon circling the earth. The issue is one of perspective. We can never see this from Earth, only from outside its orbit. I don't think I've really ever thought about ministry and being ministered to as a single action. But of course giving and receiving are intensely precious in our lives. We give our lives, our selves, all that we are and receive back even more; a Life in all its fullness.

danger signs

Two of the churches I'm involved with are upper middle class professional. This is very interesting because there is a danger that everything from sermon illustrations to small talk is unreal to anyone else who doesn't have a car or reasonable income or currently owning or aspiring to own property. ( the same applies to singles in a church mainly full of couples!) This Sunday I'll be with a very different group at Yonge Street Mission and looking forward to something different and maybe more authentic and real for me.

I read this week about the Five Signs You're Living Beyond Your Means at Yahoo Finance.
Sign No. 1 - Your Credit Score is Below 600
Sign No. 2 - You are Saving Less Than 5%
Sign No. 3 - Your Credit Card Balances are Rising
Sign No. 4 - More Than 28% of Income Goes To Your House
Sign No. 5 - Your Bills are Spiraling Out of Control

Even something like this is unreal. As I look at my own circumstances 2 and 4 are absolutely true 0 percent saving - 45 percent rent, and actually 25 percent school fees. However 3 and 5 are totally under control. For many of the urban poor all 5 are true. The current financial global crisis seems to be linked to banks encouraging people to live beyond their means whether credit or mortgage. But what is the origins of this? I think capitalism and consumerism are intrinsically linked, actually mutually dependent. Our whole economic system is dependent on us continually spending.

In our postmodern world I think many people are looking for something authentic, something they can see is real. Unfortunately many get caught up in illusions - the suburban lifestyle, settling down. Perhaps we don't only have to get out of the church building and into the community but we ourselves have to be noticeably different.

No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and Money. Matt 6:24

A Challenge

I'm preparing for a summer conference teaching on "the spiritual life in all its fullness through the story of Jonah". I have written a small skit/drama where Jonah is talking about his Ninevah experience and he sounds like a teenager. (This is in the style of Armstrong and Miller WWII comedy sketches - be warned the language is offensive to some in the Youtube clips.)

Rosanne who is reading it for me commented "You know I think Uncle Jonah on first read sounds irreverent - which shocked me a little - although maybe Jonah really did have that attitude.. was that intended?"

When reading Jonah 4 I find that Jonah knows good doctrine but doesn't really know or understand the why of the love of God. So Jonah seems to me to be immature and like many teenagers inconsistent especially when it comes to authority. I hope Jonah in my drama is a little shocking especially for those who are over familiar with the story because I'm trying to reach beyond a children's Sunday school class understanding.

I believe good art, drama, and music should challenge us in someway and yet for the artist, writer, or composer the challenge is to maintain a sense of the aesthetic. This probably the case in postmodern architecture. The move from Modernism and functionalism to first putting elements including the classical in juxtaposition with each other to now trying to find a new way of speaking. The city is full of examples of this. Go and stand at the North East corner of King and University and you'll see what I mean. Also then perhaps the Lee Chin Crystal at the ROM is the most recent dramatic attempt though the aesthetic has been sacrificed because glass has been replaced with metal.

Did you notice the cellist in the picture? He's playing left handed. Knowing that, you're forced to check the other players. Jonah in the skit is written to do that to ourselves.

The Negative as something helpful

Negative spaces are just as important as positive shapes, so we learn in a drawing class. If a chair is to be drawn, a good instructor will help the student pay attention to the shapes in between the legs of the chairs, or the back rests, as much in the "positive shapes" of the chair itself. In the same way, these artists [New York's avant-garde artists] depicted the spiritual climate by negative shapes, but by doing so they effectively described the shape and influence of the churches they rejected. Their observations serve as an invaluable service for the church, as they gave shape to the spiritual vacuum that pervades our culture today. They are important precisely because they depict an honest spiritual wrestling within empty spaces. In that sense, art can always point to the profound, and, even in perverse disagreements, artists accurately reveal the spiritual vacuum. Makoto Fujimura Refractions 28

Within our talk of worship and music realizing less is more is so important. space created gives a sense of transcendence and that is in one sense what negative space is. Apophatic theology is a a theology of the not. God is so wholly other that being contained or even expressed in words can be a dangerous exercise. Doctrine while important and defining boundaries in which exploration is possible. Perhaps that is why adoration is truly wordless worship of God and where the visual artist and musician come into their own.

Zimbabwe

Reading and trying to keep up with situations around the world I am disappointed by sometimes the lack of seeking details and understanding and sometimes empathy for people in their situations. Compassion is passion together as community is one in togetherness.

Recently I read an invocation to pray and fast for Zimbabwe but it was very detailed invitation with the recognition that life there is very hard. Currently the Zimbabwean inflation rate is 165,000% and over 80% of people are unemployed. The idea of fasting took a new direction for me reading through the list.

To make our fasting particularly relevant to Zimbabwe, we have compiled a list of things that Zimbabweans live without daily. We encourage you to look through the list and pick something to live without ... Electricity, Water from the tap; a shower, Phone service, Internet, Cell Phone, Television, Video Games, Gasoline/Diesel Fuel, Listening to music from stereo, cd player, ipod, Flour, Sugar, Butter, Bread, Rice ... Coffee, Milk, ... Toilet Paper

Somehow I have a feeling this gives suddenly more meaning to our prayers.