Standing in the Gap again

Almost two years ago I found myself in a hospital standing over a very sick frail old woman, my mother's old friend and someone from way deep back in my past who knows more about my childhood than I do. I had been listening to mp3s of Henry Blackaby's messages and in particular one taken from Ezekiel 22:30-31 and Ezekiel 33:2-7a. I wrote this:

God says "I looked for a man among them who would build up the wall and stand before me in the gap on behalf of the land." Blackaby talks about how difficult this is uncomfortable and where is the gap that you are called to stand. In Ezekiel 33 it speaks of the accountability of the watchman and penalties for not standing watch and God says 'I have made you a watchman for the house of Israel."

Sitting outside Critical Care waiting for Auntie Mary to come out of her 5 hour surgery at 1.30am Thursday morning was a long dark lonely night. I was listing to this message from Blackaby for the second time. It was only thing I had with me summoned from downtown at 2.30pm Wednesday. When Blackaby asks where is the gap you are called to stand and where are you to be watchman - I knew that I was to stand in the gap and to stand vigil there and then through that night and in the continuing days.

In the following days I have discovered what it means to stand in the gap reorganising the whole pattern of my life and increased money expended travelling to hospital. Standing in the gap means spending a hour and more slowly putting one ice chip at a time into her mouth. It has meant fishing in the back of her throat to find the phlegm that causes so much discomfort and then to continue trying to help her. It means standing vigil - being the watchman.

She survived but all those memories and unfinished emotional business flood back again. I felt a lump in my throat and fighting back a tear or two as I stood today in Emergency, again, I am tired.

Precious Lord, Take my hand, Lead me on, let me stand. I am tired, I am weak, I am worn. Through the storm, through the night, Lead me on, to the light, Take my hand, Precious Lord, lead me home. Thomas Dorsey