What makes music Spiritual or Christian?

For avowedly Christian music it [the music of Pärt] is not, perhaps, very plainly founded upon the Incarnation of the Son of God. Dale Nelson

I've been thinking again about an episode a few years ago when some Arvo Pärt music was used because he was a Christian. Pärt's music has a sense of silence, of stillness and therefore of course can provide a setting but dangerously this can be merely utilitarian muzak like elevator or supermarket background music. I read an interesting article which contrasted Bach and Part. Bach wrote, “In a reverent performance of music God is always present with His grace” however his understanding is very much a verbal one. Yet perhaps the key observation from Dale Nelson is Bach wrote music for the church, while Pärt mostly writes for the concert hall. Very different contexts and very different reasons for writing.

Much of modern contemporary worship is performative rather unitive. Performed from the front and self-reflective there a danger of the personal worship album as a collection of personal songs is being used supposedly to unite people. What was the reason for writing the song and what was the setting intended?

I read that CS Lewis once heard a Zulu war song and thought it was “wistful and gentle” and consequently wondered whether music was really a universal language. However when we use music we should use it self-consciously making clear theological decisions. Why are we using this? Are we using it with some sense of integrity and understanding or merely as wallpaper?

It's not a bargain if you don't need it!

People use equipment as a crutch. They don't want to put in the hours ... They're looking for a shortcut. But you just don't need the the best gear to be good ... content is what matters. You can spend tons on fancy equipment, but if you've got nothing to say... well, you've got nothing to say. Jason Fried, David Heinemeier Hansson Rework

Of course this is true but how many of us live this way nowadays. We look for the shortcut, the path of least resistance. I confess I have but that is not always the healthiest way to go. The product whether it's something I say , do , play, present, or simply make will be shallow lacking purpose and challenge. I don't want to live that way. Living out faith for me is to express and create something anew. My counsellor noted the importance of the personal insight, literally the "Aha" moment. He's right for I live for the moment when it all comes together, the pieces become one thing: when the collection of ideas or bits I've collected cohere together. Do we actually have anything meaningful to say unless we put the work in? That means spending enough time, being sufficiently open to what God would have to say to each one of us.

minimize and simplify

Along these lines, simplicity isn’t a goal or an end result. Simplicity is a means to an end, with the ultimate destination being a remarkable life focused on what matters most to you. You don’t practice simplicity for simplicity’s sake, you practice simplicity to clear the distractions that get in the way of the life you desire. The Unclutterer blog

I have so much stuff and dealing with it is something I need to do. I'm also trying to simplfy my old iMac. Using simpler faster launching programs. Word or NeoOffice (the Mac Openoffice program) both take an age to launch and give me far more than I often want. I found the blog MinimalMac and am beginning to assess what I really need. There were some really simple and effective programs out there. In considering what is needed I generally want things faster and slimmer and even simpler so I'm going to try Notational Velocity a speedy little note-taker which launches in less than 2 seconds. Also Bean a lightweight wordprocessor which again launches very fast.

We've grown up with the crazy idea that big with lots of features is good, but maybe small is really beautiful and maybe I'll get more things done? Simplification means hopefully less time taken up by tech and more time for the important things namely things which give life meaning and purpose.

Peace and Shalom

To see a world in a grain of sand. And a heaven in a wild flower. Hold infinity in the palm of your hand. And eternity in an hour William Blake Auguries of Innocence

Cycling downtown and down St George, past three groups of 20 or so police on bikes and the sounds of helicopters flying overhead. As I neared church I saw two people sat on the curb side their hands tied behind their backs, surrounded by police I had no sense of the presence of God. More so I felt this was a war zone a place of the absence of God - a place of violence. What had happened to the familiar and the peace of the city?

I had my dental surgery on Thursday and recovered quite quickly I was fully conscious and alert after 2 hours unlike last time which was more the following day. There has been a greater sense of peace and hope in me. Even as I deal with gum infections - note that I'm taking a cocktail of both Penicillin and Azithromycin but I've stopped needing my pain killers - I hope things are getting better. Certainly my body seems to be more at peace. Also I've also started taking Crestor, a Statin for cholesterol reduction, and baby Aspirin for heart disease prevention. Also to lower my sodium and my high blood pressure I'm changing my diet. Perhaps Shalom-peace when everything works as it should. At the moment my body needs a lot of help but hoping that I will stablize at a better health level.

On iTunes I discovered the PBS podcast series "Take One Step for A Healthy Heart" a very interesting series and as I completed Andrew Weil's Healthy Aging I am planning to make signficant changes in diet and eating habits. Even drinking more green tea on top of my normal tea drinking, brushing my teeth more often, flossing more and rinsing with antimicrobial mouth wash. In the moment my mind and spirit I feel are less anxious and I'm waking without my jaw being tense.

I can say that vision and reasons have changed within me. God seems to have spoken, called through the one I love and now I find myself seeking for health and lingering less on pain... rather looking for eternity in the hour, to the glimpse of glory and finding it. She once wrote "your heart is within me" and although she is far away I'm drinking out of that cup called hope. (literally the mug she left behind) and finding her heart within me in the peace that only God can give.

Earthquake

Toronto had a 5.5 earthquake this afternoon. I felt the house shaking and went into the kitchen to make sure the shelves there didn't fall over. We survived but the whole house shook for quite a few seconds. It's about 16-17 years since the last I can remember but this one was much bigger and longer.

Life has been a number of upheavals. My life is changing with the proposal, worries about the future, then another feeling of God's provision. Today I saw her off at the airport not sure of the future but with more hope than before. Tomorrow I'm off to the dentist again to sort out tooth pain with a root canal.

I've been thinking about the relationship of Faith to Hope or perhaps Hope to Faith. Augustine asserts "The fact that we do not see either what we believe or what we hope for, is all that is common to faith and hope. ... [but] there is no love without hope, no hope without love, and neither love nor hope without faith." I cannot hope without faith that God is at work with us. But as I see it hope is rooted in an authentic relationship, one that is loving. While this is not an earth shatteringly intellectual idea, it is quite a personal realization when I think about the distance between us, i.e. Korean - Canada. But also faith that God, who we believe brought us together, will do it again soon.

A song from the Korean drama Stairway to Heaven called Bogoshipda 보고싶다 translated means I miss you. Iris I miss you. I'm hoping and believing in your return.

Something similar

Iris and I were encouraged by this recently, Celine Dion's story.

Choose love

How can we choose love when we have experienced so little of it? We choose love by taking small steps of love every time there is an opportunity. A smile, a handshake, a word of encouragement, [etc] ... Each step is like a candle burning in the night. It does not take the darkness away, but it guides us through the darkness. When we look back .... we will discover that we have made a long and beautiful journey. Henri Nouwen Bread for the Journey

I still am experiencing jaw pain both on the right side and left side but perhaps the causes are different. I'm pretty sure the right is due to tmj and grinding my teeth. But the left seems to be in the zone where the tooth extraction took place and maybe I have an infection as the gum is sore to the touch. When I feel the touch of sympathy or feel the loving frustration of being unable to do anything, I can either stay mired in the pain or choose love. When she is in pain with her back I can remain self-focused or choose to be other-focused in love.

God is love. Not God has love but God is love. This could be a philosophical statement that God in essence is love or God as transcendental defines all loves. But I'd like to think every human relationship has the potential to include God and be loving. To choose Love is to choose to include God. Iris and I pray that God will remain the centre of our relationship.

The National Gallery

I don't know whether I'll regret the action but I did it. We'd already walked through a lot of Canadian art works and went into the European section. There was a surprisingly good collection of French Impressionists and there it was on the wall. My favourite artist Vincent Van Gogh and one of his many Iris paintings and the perfect moment.

I took out of my coin purse a piece of aluminium foil and gave it to her. She thought it was a piece of chocolate but it wasn't. I've been working on this tagua nut carved ring for about 1 month and carved an iris adding a yellow zirconia in the centre. What the future holds I really don't know but my prayer, infact our prayers that God willing we'll come together soon and endeavour to spend our livres together until death do us part.

I knelt down by her watched, by security, in the shadow of the painting which now has special sigificance for us both. And she said yes without hesitation or pause for breath, twice.

Givenness

We have been given a God who not only allows us to make mistakes, but even uses our mistakes in our favor! Such a pattern becomes obvious in the ministry of Jesus. Joy is what happens when you suddenly find an excess of life and a surplus of love within yourself! ... Any system of measuring and weighing does not give joy, just order and predictability. Never confuse a well-oiled machine with the joyous wedding banquet that Jesus uses as his most common metaphor for eternity. Sadly some people prefer machines to parties. (adapted from Richard Rohr Things Hidden:Scripture as Spirituality)

Life takes unimaginable twists and turns. Health incidents over the last year, situations and words which seemingly have conspired against us, and mistakes which need redemption. My spiritual director sent me this piece adapted from Richard Rohr's book. In this current season in my life I am learning about the duality of life - that life is never merely about either being happy or sad. Rather life is frequently tinged with both ecstasy and agony. I am reminded of a reflection I read written by CS Lewis. He was sitting in a dark garden shed and looking at the beam of light coming into the darkness from a crack in the door. The light can only be seen because of the dust particles in the air and only because the immediate circumstances are darkness. In all of life we need faith and hope but when it all boils down it is love we are looking for. God gives himself to us and it is he who is love itself.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. 1 Cor 13:13

Life is fragile

Another health scare. Since my dental surgery I've had some jaw pain replacing 15 fillings and having one extraction under sedation is pretty major. I've started grinding my teeth and one lone molar is complaining. Last night was spent in East York General.

Nowadays I'm stressing more and my health plan seems reluctant to pay their part of the dental bill and I had to empty my account to lower the Visa interest payment of the dental surgery. Then my employer forgot to make the monthly pay transfer and I found out after I made the money transfer to pay the Visa bill. I didn't have enough money to pay the rent!

I found myself having to try and solved the problems myself and deal with systems which seem to be conspiring to cause me more stress. So I became stressed more and generated more jaw pain. Well yesterday was bad and in the evening I felt really bad and nearly passed out. I couldn't ever feel my pulse but thank God Iris was with me and she called 911. They came and my blood pressure 79 over 45. The fire fighters had to empty my hallway of bikes and stuff out to the porch in order to carry me out to the ambulance. I was in hospital until 1.30am when they finally released me. Life is extremely fragile. It appears I had a medication conflict probably the muscle relaxant, and pain killers and perhaps dehydration because my apartment was so hot. If I had been alone I'm not sure I'd be here now.

The trouble is my jaw is now so sensitive that I can't chew any food easily. But I'm alive. The clutter in the hall way has been partially dealt with and I will finish the sorting. The deepest concern is when Iris leaves to go home how will I be? Is this all about trusting God and his providence. He brought us together and now it needs miracles for this to continue.But the call for trust and faith is tough for both of us.

Age and aging

... the value of aging is obvious... aging has the potential to bring greater worth to human life. It can add richness to life, ... enhance the mental, emotional, and spiritual aspects of life by the same processes that cause decline of the physical body. Andrew Weil

I'm currently reading Andrew Weil's book Healthy Aging: A lifelong guide to your physical and spiritual well-being. It's one of those accidents where I went garage saleing and came across the book as part of a package. One year older I'm sort of feeling my age and not. I've dealt with 20 years of dental neglect and had 15 fillings replaced and a broken tooth finally removed. There is some residual pain as my mouth and teeth become mine again, also I've taken to grinding my teeth at night and a couple of lone molars are complaining a bit cos they're wobbling. I hurt my back a bit again but should recover relatively quickly.

It seems to me that we value youthfulness and vitality, making them both the same. But they're not. Weil seems to be suggesting that in fact vitality is enriched by good attitude and aging. I have 4 short weeks before she leaves for Korea and the future is unsure yet rooted in mutual commitment. She reminds me of my age and need for physical care but also my vitality and youthful attitudes. We're not so different and yet there is aging.

I need a purpose and in fact we all need a purpose or reason to face up to aging. William a friend from the UK, only a few years younger is cycling Lands End to John O'Groats (over 1000 miles) taking only ten days, starting on 27th May. That's way out of my range but it's for a cause and one of those rites of passage. If you'd like to donate to the hospice movement and William's cause there's a donation page here.

So what will I do? Well look after myself, take self-care more seriously and intentionally. Exercise, eat properly, physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.

Difficult week past

Where is life headed and what will happen to me? The path seems not clear and perhaps only a step or two in front is clear. There have been some difficult deep challenges this last week and yet to know you are loved by those around gives life.

Easter brought life but the road for most first had doubts. Mary at the tomb first looked for a lost body. Peter, we're unclear about. John believed and understood. And what about poor Thomas?

I have life and yet moments of doubt and fear and darkness strain faith.

Dear Lord, Although I am sure of my position
I am unable to sustain it without you. Help me, or I am lost. Amen Martin Luther