it's raining

The movie tonight in the series The love of God was Monsoon Wedding. I wasn't sure why I went to see it tonight, given my emotional exhaustion of the last week and I was tired, but I was glad I stayed to the end.

This is a Punjabi wedding where Aditi, the bride, is on the eve of her arranged marriage to local but now living in America. The family relations are comedic and complex as befits any Asian family. Strangely this was presented in the context of the Ignatian Spiritual exercises' meditation on the temptation of Jesus. However I found it a fascinating study on the complexities of love. What is love? What is false or even warped love? Aditi's pursuit of her former lover still at this last moment threatens her new life. So many aspects are woven into a fascinating carpet which manages to stay aloft and not come apart. More aspects are whether love possible in an arranged marriage where the two have not met before? The love of a father for his children both adopted and birth are explored in the context of greater family obligations. The sensitive vulnerability of rejected and reconciled love is explored between, Alice the maid and P.K. Dubey, the stern wedding planner.

I will not spoil the movie for you. Rather I've been doing thinking about mistakes in life following recent conversations. I remember reading many years ago that there are no mistakes in life, only lessons. In more recent years I have learnt that God can use all our experiences, nothing is wasted. More recently in discernment if all the options or choices are sincerely made in the intention of honouring God then there needs to be no fear in the decision making process because God will not abandon us. Perhaps then this movie is about choices but rather than good or bad decisions, more about what affects consequences.

Furthermore reading discussions and reviews I realise this film presents alternative realities , rather than reflects the norm, to a South Asian setting, revealing the cost of love when it is wrongly rooted and the hope of love in honesty and a desire to follow the right path.

Away from me, Satan! For it is written: 'Worship the Lord your God, and serve him only.' Matt 4:10

existential questions

What are the fundamental questions of life? If you are a fan of The Hitchhiker's guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams, then the answer is 42. The problem is really not What is the answer to life? But what are the fundamental questions of life. And particularly those of existence. But we ought not to confuse God with meaning nor questions. They are only sign posts. But what are those questions?

In my studies over the years these have been Who am I? in my individual identity and communal identity? Why am I here? Where is here? What's wrong with here? What's the remedy?

Today I've been in the hospital as power of attorney for a patient, my Auntie Mary. We got to talk to 4 doctors from 3 departments on separate occasions about resuscitation if something goes wrong with the 2 procedures they were suggesting! I had to face with Auntie Mary What is the meaning of life? What gives meaning to life? What makes life worth living? and continuing to live?

Then I had my weekly conversation with my Phd student and among other topics we discussed about What makes a Christian living their life with God different from someone equally religious from another faith tradition? Is it possible to have a conversation with God? Yet another conversation a few hours later What gives us a reason for living our lives? What makes our existence, work or lives valuable or worthwhile? Where is God in the bad stuff of life? Why am I here? What am I meant to do? Then in the listening/discernment group even later What makes the authentic spiritual life? How can I, or is it even possible to pass this on to another? What does it mean to follow God?

I always think of my good friend Ann, a survivor of anorexia. She used to say Life sucks! with an implied addition And I'm still alive! I agree with her and think that's the meaning of life!

I am the gate; whoever enters through me will be saved. He [or she] will come in and go out, and find pasture. The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. John 10:9-10

drawing as prayer, as prophecy

I'm interested in drawing as a reflective activity and my own usage has been to bring deep things to the surface, to provide a creative response to my reading and reflection on scripture and sometimes a non-verbal vehicle of God's communication to me. Actually drawing is for me not really different to written journalling. Although some may have resistance to non-verbal communication and issues of faith experiences within the area of imagination, there is not issue if we do not restrict the transformation of our minds to a logical enterprise.

I've read books on prayer and drawing, and also books purely on drawing. I used self-help books on using visual journalling and found a number of works helpful but more recently this blog from Ramone has been interesting, placing things in a Christian setting. (read this)

Last year I found this in my daily reading Bread for the Journey from henrinouwen.org May 4, 2006 written originally by Henri Nouwen. I think this is an important route to understanding God's activity in our lives. I used this as part of a retreat I led last year called Tracing the hand of God.

Signposts on the Way to God

How do we know about God's love, God's generosity, God's kindness, God's forgiveness? Through our parents, our friends, our teachers, our pastors, our spouses, our children ... they all reveal God to us. But as we come to know them, we realise that each of them can reveal only a little bit of God. God's love is greater than theirs; God's goodness is greater than theirs; God's beauty is greater than theirs.

At first we may be disappointed in these people in our lives. For a while we thought that they would be able to give us all the love, goodness, and beauty we needed. But gradually we discover that they were all signposts on the way to God.

candeo

"Our crowns have been bought and paid for--all we have to do is wear them." - James Baldwin

My good young friend candeo posted this quote by James Baldwin. It immediately reminded me of my drawing from June 5 2003. Amazingly this came from a collision of verses from the Bible.

I cannot present burnt offerings to the Lord that have cost me nothing 2Sam 24:24b

They saw what seemed to be tongues of fire that separated and came to rest on each of them. Acts 2:3

And when the chief Shepherd appears you will receive the crown of glory that will never fade away. 1Peter 5:4

Further quotations by Baldwin bring this crown into deeper perspective as I reflect about life, injustice, struggles and denials, to blinkered vision and refusal to see the world in front of us.

The purpose of art is to lay bare the questions which have been hidden by the answers.

You think your pains and heartbreaks are unprecedented in the history of the world, but then you read. It was books that taught me that the things that tormented me were the very things that connected me with all the people who were alive, or who have ever been alive.

What unites us and should bring us together is our brokenness and willingness to sit with each other, protest by all means but it is not the matter of solutions but somehow education and sightedness is key: The need for revelation, the epiphany, the coming of insight and a new way of seeing. Baldwin as Afro-American writer and civil-rights protester, seemed to be an educator through his literature offering alternative perspectives. Until we are willing to stop looking at, namely gawking at the world, and begin to see the world in a different light it is difficult to claim the crown to which Baldwin refers.

Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Matt 5:10

Praise even in pain

James Prescott over at Deep Church recorded his observations attending a seminar by Robin Parry, “What can Christians do with the book of Lamentations?” In all that has been happening around me and my thoughts over the last few weeks I found his writing poignant.

"I think often the world thinks Christians don’t feel pain or try to hide their pain behind the smiles. In the case of the latter I think it is almost certainly true of some Christians and churches today – and some churches are like that too.

We need to be honest with people about our pain and our frustrations. We need to be honest about our weakness. But the difference is then that we can show people that there’s a safe, positive way of dealing with it and getting real healing and support. A place where its okay to feel pain. We need to be honest that we don’t always understand pain, why suffering happens, that we can’t always explain it – but that despite we still have faith that God has felt that pain through Jesus and can deal with it with us. Despite our pain, we can still praise God.

That’s a powerful message to a world full of pain.

It’s a big challenge for us all. Can we rise to it?"

I've already posted about my thoughts that a real spirituality must deal both with tears of sadness and of joy. Our communities of faith must be places where mourning is as important as celebrating. If we are unable to cry together what hope is there? If we can't cry in the passion of Christ how can we truly celebrate the resurrection of Jesus. It's not that complex. Strangely at this moment I am reminded of the work of Scottish architect and designer Charles Rennie Mackintosh. I think within its linear and curved style I find a certain sadness in the simplicity. The Arts and Crafts chair in juxta-position with the cello.

Encouragement for real

What encourages me? Knowing that I can make a difference even or especially on the small scale, on the one person situation. Nevertheless the last 5 days has been a rollercoaster of trying to rest and intense emotions. A gentle time with a new Christian about the difficulties of praying. an ESL student struggling with studying and keeping up with course readings and writing essays. Working with my volunteers in English teaching. A deep conversation about Henry Blackaby's book about experiencing God with a non-Christian Phd student. Standing in the Gap with my Auntie Mary in hospital. A phone call from Taiwan from last year's student wanting to talk about struggles in life. An email from Korea, a mother's pain for her sons' struggles', 2.5 months of returning after 6 years away. An intense discipleship study in Romans asking deep and important questions about faith and Why serve God? A tearful late night phone call from a Japanese student about the lack of care for international students by educational institutions.

This is life and reality, nothing papered over, no falsity nor misrepresentation. Life's rollercoaster is truly up and down. But in it all it is possible to find hope and encouragement even in the darkest lowest moments. Years ago I visited Jerusalem and I visited the church of Dominus Flevit, which means "the cry of the Lord." It remembers when Jesus was moved to tears for Jerusalem. The main window looks from the Mount of Olives towards The Temple Mount and the church is shaped as a tear drop.

Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing. 1 Thess 5:11

Misrepresentation vs authenticity

I must be perfect; otherwise Christianity is just a big flop, exposed as an elaborate hoax. The pressure is on and I must perform so that Christianity looks like a good buy. Matt Kleburg

I've been asked some amazing questions this last year. "Do all religious people care?" "Are you nice because you're a Christian or is that your personality?" It was a real struggle on each occasion to answer those questions honestly without misrepresentation. This last week in a study group I lead we came on the issue in another form Does living a life following Jesus mean everything will be easy? A blog entry brought me to the opening quotation however I can't paraphrase Matt Kleburg's words without reducing their power.

This assumption is the exact opposite of the gospel. It is anti-gospel. To say that my failures somehow discredit Christianity completely disregards the cross! What pride and hypocrisy! Out of death we are made alive in Christ and our new identities are not bound up in our own righteousness, but rather the righteousness of Christ. It is by His perfection that we are presented as spotless before the Father. And while the Spirit does begin its healing work on our hearts, it is forever the work of Jesus that makes us children of God. I no longer have to disguise my sin for fear of nullifying the gospel. The gospel, rather, nullifies my sin, and frees me up to live as though transparent. The world can see through me- can see that I am needy and that there is a savior who triumphs over my brokenness.

What then is the role of Christians, others in community? From my readings I can only quote Henri Nouwen's Wounded Healer.

The leadership potential is not just a possibility to be actualized by a well-trained theologian, but the responsibility of every Christian. ... The paradox of Christian leadership is that the way out is the way in, that only by entering into communion with human suffering can relief be found.

A conversation partner who is investigating the Christian faith and the spiritual life has been disillusioned by a taught classroom setting and inspired by a Christian discussion group and its struggles with being human. I am reminded of The Gospel in Solentiname by Ernesto Cardinale, which purports to be a record of Bible studies with real people. It certainly feels real when I read it as they argue and discussion what the gospel means in practice. Cardinale was a Roman Catholic priest who went on to be Minister of Culture in Nicaragua. Whether you like it or not, Liberational theology has a real challenge for everyone. What does the gospel or your spirituality mean in lived out life whether in the life of Christ or our lives?

And we thought his troubles were a punishment from God, a punishment for his own sins! But he was pierced for our rebellion, crushed for our sins. He was beaten so we could be whole. He was whipped so we could be healed. Isaiah 53:5

Standing in the Gap again

Almost two years ago I found myself in a hospital standing over a very sick frail old woman, my mother's old friend and someone from way deep back in my past who knows more about my childhood than I do. I had been listening to mp3s of Henry Blackaby's messages and in particular one taken from Ezekiel 22:30-31 and Ezekiel 33:2-7a. I wrote this:

God says "I looked for a man among them who would build up the wall and stand before me in the gap on behalf of the land." Blackaby talks about how difficult this is uncomfortable and where is the gap that you are called to stand. In Ezekiel 33 it speaks of the accountability of the watchman and penalties for not standing watch and God says 'I have made you a watchman for the house of Israel."

Sitting outside Critical Care waiting for Auntie Mary to come out of her 5 hour surgery at 1.30am Thursday morning was a long dark lonely night. I was listing to this message from Blackaby for the second time. It was only thing I had with me summoned from downtown at 2.30pm Wednesday. When Blackaby asks where is the gap you are called to stand and where are you to be watchman - I knew that I was to stand in the gap and to stand vigil there and then through that night and in the continuing days.

In the following days I have discovered what it means to stand in the gap reorganising the whole pattern of my life and increased money expended travelling to hospital. Standing in the gap means spending a hour and more slowly putting one ice chip at a time into her mouth. It has meant fishing in the back of her throat to find the phlegm that causes so much discomfort and then to continue trying to help her. It means standing vigil - being the watchman.

She survived but all those memories and unfinished emotional business flood back again. I felt a lump in my throat and fighting back a tear or two as I stood today in Emergency, again, I am tired.

Precious Lord, Take my hand, Lead me on, let me stand. I am tired, I am weak, I am worn. Through the storm, through the night, Lead me on, to the light, Take my hand, Precious Lord, lead me home. Thomas Dorsey

Gen Yers

What's the problem? Not consumerism but that brokenness is an accepted fact of life. Donna Dong of IV came to preach at us sunday, I mean this in the best possible way. She did not entertain us, she did not explain how to do things, she didn't provide us with comforting tales, she wanted us to change and move us. A very prophetic demonstration of her message was her enactment of our attitudes towards brokenness. A 5 year old cell phone stopped working - throw it away... it worked for an extra 3 years longer than it should have. A deceased Palm Pilot m3a should have given up the ghost years ago - discarded on the floor. Built in obsolescence is part and parcel of our new N. American worldview. Why is there no protest or reaction? We simply accept it as a fact of life!

The last few weeks I listened to news and discussion programs why there was such low voter turn out recently. One excuse was the GenYers, while being well informed don't trust politicans and therefore ask the question why vote at all! As a boomer I grew up with the maxim "If it ain't broke don't fix it", but somehow we now live in a world thinking "It's gonna break, so buy a new one." But this is conditional on there being something better to buy, if there isn't then paralysis!

My young friend asked me why there seem to be so few activists in her age group. I think Donna has given me a clue, brokenness. If everything is broken, and with no hope, surrounded by empty words, actually what is left?

On the Fortune CNN.com blog there's a neat article asking this very question "Where are the Gen Y activists?" (see here) What was most interesting were the Gen Y respondents' comments. There was real sense of brokenness of the system, albeit in the US but not so far away.

Yadgyu comments struck me:-

It’s good for this guy to be an activist because it is his career. But trying to make others feel guilty for wanting to not be bothered is sickening. He needs to put himself in the average guys’ shoes and really understand that people are sick of being used as pawns by the left, the right, and anyone else who wants to use them.

Rebecca's comments were the most real and offering hope.

We just understand that no one in power gives a $#!^ that The People are protesting, marching, or writing letters, because none of these things damage those in power. The only ways we can possibly hurt them are stopping the cash flow or refusing to vote for them (and once someone’s in office, they can breathe easy for another 2-6 years, so the voting part isn’t even that effective). So we try to change our world in more local ways. More of us than in any other generation are doing community service work. Have we given up on enacting national or global change in one fell swoop? Yes. Have we given up on change? No. Our generation just prefers to do it one person, family, neighborhood, or community at a time.

Which of these are more real to you and represents your experience? I wish it were the second. But perhaps it's a lack of responsible relationships in our world which lead us to God.

My message and my preaching were not with wise and persuasive words, but with a demonstration of the Spirit's power, so that your faith might not rest on men's wisdom, but on God's power. 1 Cor 2:4-5

Broken record?

What on earth is going on at the moment? No, not Benni Cellini of Letzte Instanz. Rather the Christian leadership world is in major shift. I've now come across mega-figure Gordon MacDonald at leadershipjournal.net asking Why there are so many Christian infants? I don't know whether he and the others have been talking or not but a whole method and program agenda based Christian world is shifting, in transformation. MacDonald writes

I have concluded that our branch of the Christian movement (sometimes called Evangelical) is pretty good at wooing people across the line into faith in Jesus. And we're also not bad at helping new-believers become acquainted with the rudiments of a life of faith: devotional exercise, church involvement, and basic Bible information—something you could call Christian infancy.

But what our tradition lacks of late—my opinion anyway—is knowing how to prod and poke people past the "infancy" and into Christian maturity. ...

But mature Christians do not grow through programs or through the mesmerizing delivery of a talented speaker (woe is me) or worship band. Would-be saints are mentored: one-on-one or, better yet, one-on-small group (three to twelve was Jesus' best guess). The mentoring takes place in the streets and living-places of life, not church classrooms or food courts. And it's not necessarily done in Bible studies or the like. Mature Christians are made one by one through the influence of other Christians already mature.

MacDonald has a lot more ground to cover go and read his article. (read here)

I don't want to blow my own trumpet but for almost 2 years I've been trying to persuade the young Christians around me to get mentors and get mentoring others! But less about me, what about you? What are you going to do about this?

Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Deut 11:19

About crossing the street

Do I have the Right to Cross an Ocean if I Won't Even Cross My Street? Bob Rasmussen

As I get deeper and deeper into blogs and blogging I'm finding so many interesting thinsg to read and think about. But somehow what is more remarkable is the frequent collision of ideas and concepts that happens in a really short period of time. Bob Rasmussen is a name I've come across a good number of times over the years and I cannot remember why. However I have something to remember him by. The quotation is the title of an article he has written for MissionFest Seattle 2007. (see here)

He quotes Simon Zielger who commented, “Too often we think we must get on an airplane to cross cultures for Jesus. But North America is becoming increasingly diverse, offering innumerable opportunities to befriend those from foreign countries.”

A constant problem I run against is that sharing your faith is something you do over there in another country or another continent. Once you've done it that's it, and we return to everyday life. In fact the cross-cultural experiences are frequently lost both to the communities that sent them and the individuals that went. This seems to be a serious problem for any short-term individual and their faith communities. I'm not looking to cast fault rather name a phenomenon. What happens to the serious spiritual experiences of trusting God in often personally challenging situations? What happens to the potential for signficant growth in faith? Why are we afraid to cross the street? In fact why are we still inside our safe communities?

Mistakes, but what changes?

we ... have become convinced that the primary meeting place with our unchurched friends is now outside the church building. Worship must finally become, as Paul reminds us, more life than event (Romans 12:1-2). To this end, we will be focusing on the radically different kind of leadership practices necessary to transform our congregations from destinations to conversations, from services to service, and from organizations to organisms. Sally Morgenthaler

Sally Morgenthaler author of Worship Evangelism has pulled her site off the internet. Instead she has written:-

"I don't have to tell you this. The 100-year-old congregation that's down to 43 members and having a hard time paying the light bill doesn't want to be told that the "answer" is living life with the people in their neighborhoods. Relationships take time, and they need an attendance infusion now. I understood their dilemma, and secretly, I wished I had a magic bullet. But I didn't. And I wasn't going to give them false hope. Some newfangled worship service wasn't going to save their church, and it wasn't going to build God's kingdom. It wasn't going to attract the strange neighbors who had moved into their communities or the generations they had managed\ to ignore for the last 39 years." (Click here for her article)

The Christian world is changing before my eyes, though of course for leaders to give up their trust in their old methods is radical. I remember reading years ago John Piper asserting the mission of the church flows from the worship of its people but after Morgenthaler's change of heart I realize even more we need to change our focus. Not to stay safe inside. No longer to ignore those just outside our door.

For a few years now Rick Warren, leader of the Saddleback megachurch, has been saying "I have been so busy building my church that I have not cared about the poor. I have sinned, and I am sorry." (Click here for information)

How long will these changes take to filter down to local churches thinking? Quite a long time if my reckoning is right, as leaderships have to be willing to change their thinking to move out of their comfort zones. But there is hope and an undertow! I was blog hopping today through young friends' links and I came across an old blog entry from 2004 about a visit to homeless shelter. My heart was touched because of his experience and I want to quote him perhaps you know him?

... after we finished our coffees, i told X i had to leave. he really appreciated me and said that i should go to the shelter everyday. i told him i had a job. then i walked home. ... humbled. sobered.

Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. And ... Love your neighbor as yourself.' Matt 22:37-38